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12/25/25   
commune fever: die from it!

Volume 40

bio/email
April 14, 2003
Dear commune:

Thanks for standing up for me back at the bar, dickcheese. I thought we were friends.

Sincerely,

Randy Moate
Riverview, KS


Dear Randy:

Though we appreciate your mail, we must stress the fact that the commune is a news organization made up of numerous individuals, office equipment, free-roaming egos and a Ford Fiesta we use for beer runs and other official business. We’re flattered by the feeling of closeness you have for our organization, however it is a logical impossibility for the commune as a whole to be considered your "friend" in any conventional sense. That having been said, we might stand up for you more often if you didn’t get in a dick-waving contest every time you get half a drink in you, asshole.

the commune

Editor’s Note: the commune is not responsible for Barry Switzer of Elk Plain, MO. What’s with that guy, anyway? Talk about an Olympic-caliber jerk. Man. the commune would love to know what makes that guy tick. Some kind of high-octane asshole fuel, we think.


Quote of the Day
“If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be Microsoft's new Futuretron 3000 Duck Simulator. That's almost a duck!”

-Rodney Cheesesteak
Fortune 500 Cookie
When kicking out at opponents this week, aim for the nuts—always a good strategy. It's time to let that baby shark go home to its mama; it's been two years and you've got to take a bath sometime. Look forward this week to a final showdown with your mortal nemesis, Weezer. But watch out for the Rentals to intervene.


Try again later.
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Archives
Volume 39
Dear commune: Chuck Weinert writing in to say that I crap bigger than you. I mean that literally and it’s a serious problem in my life. I’ve gone through three divorces and countless trailer homes because of this problem, and I’ve been... (3/31/03)

Volume 38
Hello commune: I really admire Mr. Robert Wadlow. He was of incredible height. He was huge but looked very friendly. I am only 5'5" and believe me, I am really disappointed with myself. If only I could grow a little bit taller. Mr Wadlow was so... (3/17/03)

Volume 37
Dear commune: Let me be the brave throat giving voice to the widespread, though silent, thought on the brain of the nation: It's time to set Arkansas on fire. We've danced around the issue long enough, now it is time for action. Nothing useful has... (3/3/03)

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