09/14/26
Come for the pie, stay for the complete lack of pie
|  Volume 40  April 14, 2003 Dear commune:Thanks for standing up for me back at the bar, dickcheese. I thought we were friends. Sincerely, Randy Moate Riverview, KS Dear Randy: Though we appreciate your mail, we must stress the fact that the commune is a news organization made up of numerous individuals, office equipment, free-roaming egos and a Ford Fiesta we use for beer runs and other official business. We’re flattered by the feeling of closeness you have for our organization, however it is a logical impossibility for the commune as a whole to be considered your "friend" in any conventional sense. That having been said, we might stand up for you more often if you didn’t get in a dick-waving contest every time you get half a drink in you, asshole. the commune Editor’s Note: the commune is not responsible for Barry Switzer of Elk Plain, MO. What’s with that guy, anyway? Talk about an Olympic-caliber jerk. Man. the commune would love to know what makes that guy tick. Some kind of high-octane asshole fuel, we think. Quote of the Day“I cannot tell a lie—I like big butts. You other brothers can't deny. My anaconda don't want none, lest you have buns, hon.”-George Wizzleswishington Fortune 500 CookieOur apologies, but the guy doing your fortune was a complete fraud—hmph. You'd think we'd have seen that coming. This week, reconsider investing in those flame-retardant pajamas for the little ones. Definitely Burger King—definitely. Lucky dusts this week: Gold, saw, angel, and the stuff on grampa's skin.Try again later. Top Selling commune Paraphernalia
 Volume 39 Dear commune: Chuck Weinert writing in to say that I crap bigger than you. I mean that literally and it’s a serious problem in my life. I’ve gone through three divorces and countless trailer homes because of this problem, and I’ve been... (3/31/03) Volume 38 Hello commune: I really admire Mr. Robert Wadlow. He was of incredible height. He was huge but looked very friendly. I am only 5'5" and believe me, I am really disappointed with myself. If only I could grow a little bit taller. Mr Wadlow was so... (3/17/03) Volume 37 Dear commune: Let me be the brave throat giving voice to the widespread, though silent, thought on the brain of the nation: It's time to set Arkansas on fire. We've danced around the issue long enough, now it is time for action. Nothing useful has... (3/3/03)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.