|   Deidrebane, You Will Take Back What You Said About Dokken
I've put up with a lot over our many years of marriage, Deidrebane my dear. Your incessant coupon-clipping, child-rearing and flair with culinary dishes of all varieties. Your sunnily upbeat manner, and troubling habit of treating the neighbors with... (4/9/07)
For the Last Time Deidrebane, Those Aren't the Feds
Deidrebane, Deidrebane, Deidrebane. My sweet, dear paranoid Deidrebane. I don't know through which orifice crawled in these latest musings that torture your fevered imagination, but I assure you, beyond the wispiest shadow of a doubt, that the Feds... (8/29/05)
Don't Be Absurd My Dear, That's Obviously Not My Shit
Please. Deidrebane, my dear, I tire of your ceaseless accusations. I swear this is all I've heard about all week since you found that softball-sized rock of crack cocaine in the sofa cushions. For the googleth time, darling, that's clearly not my... (6/20/05)
My Dear, Your New Children Have Become a Nuisance
My dearest Deidrebane, it pains me acutely to have to write you this column and expose our personal goings-on to the somewhat wider audience of the world at large, but I can't find any of our personal stationary and I'm not about to go tearing up... (4/11/05)
I Promised to Stop Smoking Crack
It's just like you to twist my words around. I think I'd remember, in the midst of all that automobile wreckage, whilst the paramedics were sweeping the windshield glass out of your eyes and the neighborhood was awash in a sea of swirling lights and... (12/6/04)
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Milestones1961: Cuban immigrant Lazlo Homales buries a small change purse in a remote section of upstate New York. Over 40 years later, commune reporter Ivan Nacutchacokov finds the purse with a metal detector, and—what the crap, two dollars?? Lousy poor immigrants!Now HiringHall Monitor. Duties include asking to see hall passes, looking like an authority figure and keeping the unpopular commune staff members out of the staff lounge. Good grades a plus.5 Worst Katrina-Related Headlines| 1. | Everything Possible Done by President (Fox News) | | 2. | Tabasco Shortage Reaches Drastic Proportions | | 3. | Cancun Prepares for Huge Rise in Mardi Gras Reservations | | 4. | Bubba Gump Still Missing in Disaster | | 5. | Saints Season Ticket Holders Hit Hardest by Tragedy | |
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