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12/6/25   
Ugly like an Eskimo, but fun at parties
Pink is Not for Men
I want to take a moment to apologize to my faithful reader body, every last loser, pimp, pervert, bum, slob and drip. I know you've all been anxiously awaiting the thrilling conclusion of "(7/4/05)

Mickey Does Vegas
Well well, welcome back to the chaotic worm fart that is my life. I don't know what it is that's out there, call it God, Buddha or the force, whichever stirs your Kool-Aid, but I have discovered that it has a sense of humor. Over the past couple...  (4/18/05)

I, Robot Builder
Well well well, I have come to learn a few things about myself in these past few weeks, but nothing more important than this: I will never smoke PCP again. Unless it's free. I've spent the past six weeks roaming the Earth, which later turned out...  (4/18/05)

Yuppies Aren't Real
I would like to take this opportunity to express to the world my view about Yuppies. I hate them. Bottom line. Thanks for listening. Yuppies would be our idea of cool if we lived in a world Bill Gates had farted out of his ass. That's what he...  (9/6/04)

Midgets Aren't All They're Cracked Up to Be
From the first day I pulled Nevil out of my duffel bag and locked him in the trophy case in my living room, I thought that I was pretty damn clever for acquiring a midget. I pictured all kinds of everyday tasks that he could perform for me; it would...  (5/17/04)

This is Mickey Hanes!
Good morning world, I am the one and only Mickey Hanes. Who the hell is Mickey Hanes, you ask? Well, that's a question for the ages, but it's not important right now. What is important is how I came to learn of the commune. I was quietly...  (3/8/04)



Quote of the Day
“Give me liberty or give me something better, and kick it in the ass this time, I'm late already.”

-Henry Patrick Wells
Fortune 500 Cookie
You will finally get that monkey off your back, but the tattoo removal fees will cripple your already weak home dog-waxing business. Try parting your hair on the left this week. Couldn't hurt. Look out for people dressed in blue. Nobody likes you.


Try again later.
Top Racially Insensitive Desserts
1.Mint Jew Lips
2.Negroreos
3.Vanilla Dick
4.Mr. Li's Chocolate Chink Ice Cream
5.The Dirty Spaniard Sundae from Baskin Robbins