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Pentagon Launches News Parody Web SiteFebruary 7, 2005
Washington, D.C.
Courtesy S’nooze
The offending web site, shown here in miniature as a part of the commune’s efforts to reduce world suffering
T
he U.S. Department of Defense has come under fire this week after launching S’nooze, a news parody web site featuring a lighthearted look at the day’s events through the prism of the Pentagon’s unique brand of humor. Liberal watchdogs have criticized the site as a potentially dangerous outlet for government propaganda, while everyone else has been complaining that it’s not nearly as funny as The Onion.

“S’nooze is some funny shit,” explained uncharacteristically laid-back DoD worker Pvt.Thom Vogelsang, who was soon afterward court-marshaled for unruly facial hair. “I don’t care what anybody says. That piece we did on giving pacifists rat-poison enchiladas was da bomb.”

“Nobody reads our site,” complained S’noo...Read more...


Failure of Sirius Radio Blamed on "You Can't be Sirius!" Ad Campaign

Wi-Fi Tech being offered in few cities that know what wi-fi tech is

FDA completely bogarting entire Paxil stash

Mars rover a bad dog—very bad dog



September 1, 2003

Click for Biography

You Look Like An Asshole: The History of Fads Vol. 2

The gaudiest fad of the 1950's had to be the 3D movie. The early 50's were a desperate time for Hollywood studios, as audiences were staying at home on their big fat asses in record numbers and movies were faring poorly in competition with television and communist witch hunts. Studio execs were willing to try anything to get more people into the theaters, even toying with the notion of making films that weren't big fetid balls of dung. But before they could go that far, the studio heads at Universal discovered that they'd accidentally made the same movie twice.

Universal had bankrolled The Hungry Jungle, which featured a young Charles Bronson running like hell away from man-eating tigers for two hours, and at the same time they had inadvertently financed D.A. Steuben's cannibal tiger picture Run Like Blood. Rather than shelling out promotional funds for both films to wastefully compete against each other, the studio decided to play both of them, simultaneously, on the same screen. That way they could cover up their gaffe while boasting twice as many stars running away from twice as many man-eating tigers in one movie. Like I said, these were desperate times and it should be noted that back then, guys couldn't hold their liquor.

Unfortunately the "movie" didn't make any sense when played this way, but this was only a minor setback. A young Universal intern soon discovered that thanks to poor quality control each of the films was tinted...Read more...


º Last Column: You Look Like An Asshole: The History of Fads Vol. 1
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June 20, 2005

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A Throat Too Deep

Every true conspiracy-buster like myself has one big, secret wish: A real inside source that can't stop talking.

To which I say: "Be careful what you wish for!"

Sir, I have such a source, and this guy simply can't shut up. I don't know if it's a psychological ailment or just a simple case of verbal diarrhea, but I've found the source that can't stop giving. It's like that duck that can't stop laying golden eggs, and if there isn't such a fairy tale, there should be. Honestly, I never thought there was anything worse than a source that stonewalls you, that gives you nothing (we in fact call these sources "non-sources"), but this blabbermouth has got the dirt on everybody and can't wait to share it.

It sounded like my fondest wish when a connection of mine, let's call him Scottie, because that would really offend his Scottish heritage, calls me up with what he calls "the greatest source in the world." I should have known something was wrong, because the last time I talked to this connection he was quite pissed off because I kept calling him "Scottie." But I've run cold on the trail of the Biggest Conspiracy of the World (or BCW, as us fans call it), so I was anxious for anything to start me up again.

I met with this guy, and first it was like that golden egg-laying duck, and I was like the duck's owner, and quite happy. This was last week, and with all that stuff in the media about the "real Deep Throat" going around, I...Read more...


º Last Column: The Siege of Paris
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Milestones
1983: Red Bagel is thrown out of a casino for counting cards. He is not cheating, merely trying to settle a bet with a friend on how many decks the casino uses.
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North Korea Pissed Their Real-Life Hunger Games Nowhere Near as Popular as Movie

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BY Roland McShyster
9/30/2002
Happy Birthday, America!


Yeah, I know it's a little late, but some crackhead stole my Dayplanner, so what can you do? We've got eight different kinds of fun coming your way from Entertainment Policeland today, so I hope you're ready. No, that's not a scientific figure and it probably wouldn't stand up to academic scrutiny, but goddammit, we're here to have fun. Leave your nit-picky bummer vibe at the door. We're doing what we can here to get through these Dark Ages of Autumn movie entertainment, and we need your oppressive lab coat act like Traci Lords needs a milk mustache. So let's all get with the program here. On to the movies!



In Theaters



Moonlight Miles

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