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7/28/26   
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Georgia to Revamp Unpopular State Slogan

November 15, 2004
Atlanta, GA
Georgia Tourism Boar
Posters bearing the state’s old slogan may now become even hotter commodities on eBay
A
fter years of stagnant tourism blamed by many on the state’s long-standing slogan of “Georgia: It’s Where They Filmed Deliverance,” tourism officials are convening this month to christen a new state slogan, in hopes of inspiring vacationers to contribute to Georgia’s beleaguered economy. Though officials have yet to decide on what the new slogan will be, one trait shared by all early candidates is a complete avoidance of the 1972 Burt Reynolds hillbilly rape film.

After the Georgia Tourism Board changed its slogan from “Georgia: Wow!” to “Georgia: It’s Where They Filmed Deliverance,” in 1973, the state’s tourism dropped to virtually zero, except for the few stragglers who came looking for “hot, man-on-man action,” and who were mostly ...Read more...


$6 billion contract bounces away from Boeing

Messenger blamed for U.S. troops' shooting of wounded Iraqis

God retiring Rehnquist from Supreme Court early

Half of cancer deaths preventable, according to insufferable optimist



July 7, 2003

Click for Biography

The Acting-Editor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea

I open this column with a firm and hearty, "Thanks, dicks." This is not directed to you dicks reading at home, but to the dicks who neglected to inform me Red Bagel had returned and the commune staff was operating normally under his rule again. I was barricaded in that office since May, fearing swift and brutal retaliation, while at any time someone could have knocked on the door and said I was merely demoted again. True, I probably would have considered it an attempt to lure me out and not believed them, but it was worth a shot.

It's all meaningless what-iffery by now, since I was forced to come out to use a regular rest room after my coffee can filled up, and noticed the staff laughing rather than lunging at me with swords and daggers. When I asked, someone even told me Bagel had annexed the floor above us for his own new office, and I could have the dank dungeon I had made my own since January, if the smell of human waste didn't nauseate me. It doesn't, so I thank Bagel's kindness and take it as a minor promotion for all my good work in his stead.

As you can tell by all this, I'm no longer a big deal around the commune offices. But from what I understand, if the door to the office had been open when Bagel returned I would have been castrated and choked with a frayed electrical cord, so waiting had its advantages as well. After enough time, and self-prescribed morphine, Bagel was back in a friendly mood and decided to merely demote me to King of...Read more...
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February 18, 2002

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The Lucky Break

Hey, Shorty, go easy on that Red Man, wouldja? Thass all I got left, and you know how I like me a good chaw after supper. Toss it over t'here. Thanks, Shorty. Hey, you know what that reminds me of? That night with the talent scout down at the ol' Smilin' Dog Saloon. Was you there that night? That was one for the books, Shorty, I tell you what.

You know that ol' gal, what's her name, somethin' kinda Frenchian, started singin' a couple nights a week there 'bout two years back? Neeter... Neeter Faye. Neeter Faye Waterboux. Yeah, Neeter Faye Waterboux, you remember, don'tcha, Shorty? Sure you do.

Anyway, she'd been singin' there at the Smilin' Dog, you know, that bar ol' Roy Toe runs, down there at the Cherokee Ho-tel downtown, and she'd been bringin' in some pretty good crowds, I guess. Ol' Roy was about as happy as a fat tick on a weasel with all the bidness he was gettin', so when she wanted to bring in a feller she knew from up there in Raleigh to try to give the place a little more pumblicity, why, he was all for it. What he didn't know was that Neeter Faye was hopin' this ol' boy, Luther Waldrip was his name, was gon' be her ticket to Hollywood or Las Vegas or one o' them places. She wanted to be a star, you know?

Well, see what happened was Neeter Faye had it all planned. She wanted Roy to put on this big ol' extravagranzal for the night Luther was gon' be there, and then she was gon' be the headliner and make her big day-bew and...Read more...


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Milestones
1975: Bludney Pludd is born. He didn't make a big deal about it at the time and we're certainly not going to change that tradition now.
Now Hiring
Knife-Thrower. Should be capable of agile manipulation of melee weapons for entertaining stage spectacle, including throwing blades at volunteer Bludney Pludd. No references required, but we will insist on counting fingers.
5 Ways to Spend Your $208 Million Lottery Jackpot
1.Finance own album of you singing Broadway standards; pay people to buy it
2.Invest heavily in million-dollar ducks
3.Buy a car for everyone you know, something they could all fit in at once
4.Spend 208 nights with Demi Moore
5.Fund grassroots pro-President Bush campaigns
Last IssueLast Issue’s Lead News Story

North Korea Pissed Their Real-Life Hunger Games Nowhere Near as Popular as Movie

View Past Columns
BY Sanchez Vickle
10/28/2002
TV REPAIR
Fat patterns pulsing
in stitches of static
erratic and plastic,
the spastic display.
With a bang and a kick
and a "cheap motherfucker!"
an emergency side-slapping
repair is performed.
The picture then jittered
and shimmied and quivered
then twisted all sideways,
the image deformed.
With a hearty "hiya!"
like the best fake karate
pissed off fists of fury
rained down on the set.
A homemade remedy
for that TV set voodoo,
a righteous exorcism
time-tested and true.
But with one kick too many
the screen split like a prism
and with an ass-rattling blurt
that cheap cocksucker died.
Now, most would be ready
to cash in the towel.
To blow a foul "Taps" Read more...

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