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FEMA Braces for Publicity DisasterSeptember 12, 2005
Washington, D.C.
Snapper McGee
A refugee, or reporter undercover, trolls the abandoned streets outside the Superdome, bearing witness to the potentially career-devastating damage in New Orleans.
F
EMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency, proved itself unprepared for the post-hurricane situation in Louisiana, and now will have to prepare itself for an even more deadly assault on its reputation. The publicity disaster follows reports in The Washington Post and other media outlets that FEMA fem and director Michael Brown may be less than qualified for the position he holds. Federal agency historians are describing it as possibly the worst media-related catastrophe to ever strike the organization.

Damage to the agency's character hasn't been fully assessed, but early estimates predict anywhere from one to five careers may be permanently injured or even extinguished. Early signs of the disaster's effects came when the White House reversed its original "FEMA good" ...Read more...


European Playstation gets more play for less work and higher taxes

Use of Term "Gaydar" Most Effective Means of Telling Someone's Gay

Microsoft "shitballs" over Windows source code leak

Charles and Camilla disturbed by lack of American manservants



August 23, 2004

Click for Biography

Iraqi Politics Made Simple

I have been forcing others to study Iraqi politics so I can have a firm understanding of that region of the world "gisted" to me, so I might answer several important questions all on our minds: How long will our troops be in Iraq? What is our purpose of remaining there for all this time? What does Iraq stand for, it's some kind of acronym, right?

No, No, and No. Things are so infinitely complicated in Iraq, unlike over here in the States, that we may never entirely leave. Several parties are vying for control of Iraq, and they disagree on several key political points. Fortunately, they do agree on one thing: They all hate America.

This is no surprise. Anybody who has watched Fox News recently knows Middle Easterners love to burn American flags, with a proven history of providing warmth during cold desert nights. But why do they hate us so? There are two schools of thought on the subject. One, they hate us for political meddling in the scene, attempting to maneuver their elections and political parties, cutting deals with puppet governments to pillage the land for its natural riches, and when all else fails, taking what we want by force. Or two, because we are so cool and have everything they want. Which is the correct reasoning? No one can say, at least they can't since I won't go over there and find out. Way too dangerous.

Let's look at a simple breakdown of Iraq's political factions: Al-Dawaa, or the Islamic Call, one of the...Read more...


º Last Column: History Reaganed
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December 24, 2001

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Jeff's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire

Lately it seems like every-damned-body has been asking me what I'll be doing for Christmas, as if I'm going to say that I'll be attending a Roman Orgy and then invite them along, or that I'm going to slip up and say that I'm taking my doped-up sex zombie out of the closet to beat him with a big rubber tit or something. Then they can act all offended and then say they're not surprised and knew what I was up to all along. I know their game, the bastards. I don't know what gets into people around the holidays, you'd think the eminent threat of an Amtrak train slamming through their living room while they're right in the middle of watching "Furby Christmas Feast" would be plenty of excitement for them, but you'd be surprised. Most still have interest left over to get all up in my shit on a regular basis.

So before I start catching any nosy pricks going through my desk drawers looking for a turkey baster full of heroin, I'm going to set the record straight: I plan on spending this Christmas holed up at the Bricks estate, wrapped around a jug of Mike's Hard Eggnog and watching the Benny Hill marathon with my trusty basset hound, Foghat. And before you start ripping on Benny Hill, know that Foghat doesn't take kindly to such thick-headed slander, and the last fool to attempt such a breech of etiquette discovered later that the "Gravy Train" had made an unscheduled stop in his pennyloafers that night, if you follow my colloquial English here.

Now, I'm sure...Read more...


º Last Column: Your Honor, the Whole Damn Vending Machine in the Hall is Out of Order
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Quote of the Day
“How many roads must a man walk down before someone will give him a fucking ride? What, do I look like a serial killer or something? Blow me in the wind, buddy.”

-Zimm Bobberman
Fortune 500 Cookie
Here comes another lecture on the same old tax-and-spend bullshit, courtesy your butler. Quit picking at it and maybe it wouldn't get infected. Who beefed? Details inside. Better save that big comeback tour until after you've had at least one hit song.


Try again later.
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View Past Columns
BY Alfred Radbelly
8/19/2002
1997: The Conquest of Saturn Soil
The shuttlecraft revolved slowly, like the wheels on a bus, going round and round. Mike Harder hardly noticed anymore. He had been in space six months and everything we find fascinating about space travel was monotonous and boring by this time, as it will soon seem to you.

"Sunfart One, this is Moon Unit Zappa. Come in," he demanded of the radio. But it was strangely quiet, strange since it otherwise would be answering. Where was the American base?

"How's things?" said charming Mike Duncan, climbing up through the space hole in the floor on his ladder. Mike was a hefty, muscular man who you would surely sneak a glance at if you were showering together, say, after a game, and it wouldn't make you gay, just curious. "It's getting tight in the rear there." Read more...

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