|   Swing-to-the-Left Voters Can Eat Me
As one of two conservatives in the commune office, the other being a complete asshole, I felt quite alone watching the election coverage back in November. It was like the 1994 election, only horribly inverted—Democrats, Democrats everywhere, and... (3/12/07)
The New War on Poverty
It's about time to resume the "War on Poverty" that we started in the 1960's. And when I say "we," I mean soft-hearted liberals who needed a slogan for re-election. But this time, we do the War on Poverty right. I'm talking big guns.
After all,... (5/30/05)
Queers Vote Kerry
My opponent, Raoul Dunkin, makes a good case. That case is herpes. On the subject of politics, the old adage on children applies to him: Both should be seen beaten to a bloody pulp.
The liberal left is scared guiltless by the powerful agenda put... (10/18/04)
The Rotten Stink of Valentines
Goddammit! Another V-Day, come and gone.
According to nebulous website statistics, one in five Americans is single, but as we know, polls taken at pornographic sites are debatable. The truth is probably somewhere in between—all my neighbors are... (2/16/04)
Patriot Chains
Goddammit! I'm tired of America taking away my rights.
Add "cooking" to the ever-increasing list of things you're not allowed to do in this country anymore. I was having another fun weekend night off from my job, and had everything all planned... (10/27/03)
Welcome to Ted Ted's World
Ted Ted here, reporting from Ted Ted's world, commonly called Flatbush, N.J. Any longtime reader of the commune should know I've been on board as a reporter since day one, at least day one of my first day, and yet I feel that we don't know each... (7/21/03)
President Bush Will Have to Kill a Man to Get Some Goddamn Respect
The time has come, and no one is happier than I am. The honus is on the president to prove he's a man. He's been disrespected every which way by everybody in the business. Celebrities, political commentators, foreigners living abroad. Now the... (12/10/01)
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Quote of the Day“We'll meet again. You might say that's impossible, since people can only meet once, but they haven't factored in my patented time machine and early-onset Alzheimer's.”
-Capt. Don Spacegain, Year 3054Fortune 500 CookieNow's the perfect time to launch your alternative news website. Thursday's haul proves your friend's theory that the Halloween is really the only lucrative time for trick-or-treating. For your information, he's going to shoot his old woman down 'cause he caught her messing 'round with some other man; you don't need to know everything. Lucky son of a bitch.
Try again later.Top Oprah Book Club Rejections| 1. | The Venomous Black Bitch by Phil Donahue | | 2. | Fried Pork Cracklin's in Butter by Flanny Fragg | | 3. | The Happy and Compliant Slave by Newt Whiteny | | 4. | How Stella Left Her Groove Under the Seat on the Plane Ride Back by Terry McMillan | | 5. | Fight Club by Jerry Springer | |
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