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09/15/26   
That noise inside your skull
Time of Healing
It's been a rocky road since last year's election. Some would say we live in a different world now, even though we've agreed to keep calling it the same name. It's common knowledge the country has been split in half since the election—and I've,...  (4/4/05)

Premature Termination
I'm happy to inform everyone following my adventures I have made some headway in my efforts to redesign how the commune is managed. Red Bagel finally agreed to cut some of the office fat and fire three employees whose jobs are redundant. Of course,...  (1/19/04)

Curriculum Vitae
I've spent more than a few years climbing the corporate ladder, ladies and gentleproles. Not meaning I'm no good at it. It's common to spend 16 years to reach an Office Manager position at a low-traffic website. I believe I still am Office Manager,...  (11/24/03)

The Acting-Editor Who Fell From Grace With the Sea
I open this column with a firm and hearty, "Thanks, dicks." This is not directed to you dicks reading at home, but to the dicks who neglected to inform me Red Bagel had returned and the commune staff was operating normally under his rule again. I...  (7/7/03)



Milestones
1994: Omar Bricks arrested after setting a statue of the Virgin Mary ablaze atop the Ferris wheel at the State Fair. Gets off on a technicality that goes down in legal history as the Proud Mary defense
Now Hiring
Flamenco Dancer. Leggy Latin beauty needed to, well, you know. And dance. Must be disease-free and light on the orthodontia. Garden hose-based qualifications a big plus. Mus- wait. Really? Then what the hell's flamenco?
Least-Anticipated Holiday Movies
1.Miracle in an Alley Behind 34th Street
2.Walking in a Winter Wonderbra
3.It Would Be a Wonderful Life if I WasnĂ­t So Suicidal
4.Christ, itĂ­s Christmas Already
5.Frosty the Snow Dealer