01/5/26
Our dad can beat up your dad's dad
|  Volume 39  March 31, 2003 Dear commune:Chuck Weinert writing in to say that I crap bigger than you. I mean that literally and it’s a serious problem in my life. I’ve gone through three divorces and countless trailer homes because of this problem, and I’ve been blacklisted by the local plumbers’ union. You may think I’m joking, but right now I’ve got a crap on deck that would cripple a lesser man. No one can say when this problem started, and doctors have been hesitant to investigate for fear of losing expensive medical equipment. I don’t know what exactly I expect the commune to do about this, but my guru suggested that it might make me feel better if I could share my plight with others. So there you go. Chuck Weinert Toebush, VA Dear Chuck: Thank you for sharing your fascinating story with our readers and staff, who are one and the same. We hope that this helps you in your journey through life. However, our guru tells us that discussing the matter further would run the risk of crapping up our Chi, and we can’t risk that since the results from our most recent chakraoscopy were not entirely encouraging. the commune Editor’s Note: the commune is not responsible for your dull, oafish eyes or the glacial pace at which you react to life stimuli. Which is why it is so easy for us to make light of your behavior, delightfully free from feelings of guilt. Quote of the Day“Freedom is a fragile thing, and must be protected; however, it is nowhere near as fragile as my aunt's vase, so it seems a fair exchange to lock you in your room for two weeks, you little hooligan.”-Mom Fortune 500 CookieMore fruit, dammit!—more fruit, I say! Time to give up the blackmail scheme; there's no getting blood from a stone. Flush once for yes, twice for no. You'll bury all your old grudges this week, and grandpa—sorry, I suppose we could have let you know in a nicer way. Bad dog goes horrible dog this weekend.Try again later. Top Enduring 2004 Election Scandals
 Volume 38 Hello commune: I really admire Mr. Robert Wadlow. He was of incredible height. He was huge but looked very friendly. I am only 5'5" and believe me, I am really disappointed with myself. If only I could grow a little bit taller. Mr Wadlow was so... (3/17/03) Volume 37 Dear commune: Let me be the brave throat giving voice to the widespread, though silent, thought on the brain of the nation: It's time to set Arkansas on fire. We've danced around the issue long enough, now it is time for action. Nothing useful has... (3/3/03) Volume 36 Dear commune: Dude sends you a piece of paper over the phone line, and it's not mail anymore. But then dude sends you a dirty joke that never existed on paper or in the real world, just some doodles on your screen, and suddenly it's mail again?... (2/17/03)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.