|   The New Anne Frank Diary
You may be asking yourself what do I mean by my slightly smug title? Am I mocking the tragically short and tortured life of a little girl killed in a massive campaign of genocide? No. I embrace Anne Frank's courageous spirit and indomitable will... (9/5/05)
Highway to Hell
The list of sins I committed in a previous lifetime must still be rolling out somewhere, without end in sight. I can find no other explanation as to why I'm back here at the commune. I'm not sure if I feel more like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse... (3/28/05)
Burn, Bridges, Burn
Strangely enough, it seems at least one person who isn't rich has benefited from the election of George W. Bush—that person is me. Make no mistake, politically, I am on the left and voted for Kerry, who is already fading from the memory like the... (12/13/04)
A Vote For Bush is A Vote For Bush! Bush!
Never before in the course of history has one nation so collectively possessed a mental deficiency.
How many polls must come out, one after the other, simply to infuriate me with the conflicting information that the president's approval rating... (10/18/04)
Just a Minor Setback in the Raoul Dunkin Story
Salutations to you, commune reader, assuming you're reading these columns and not merely gazing at the pretty colors while waiting for your Girls Gone Wild video clip to download. Forgive my gruff manner, but the Raoul Dunkin story has taken... (9/30/02)
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Milestones1749: At this site, in 1749, nothing happened.Now HiringBag Man. Some kind of illegal-parcel-delivering hobo needed to transport sensitive packages and sleep in our dumpster. Five years dumpster-sleeping experience required. Keeping your big mouth shut skills a plus.Top Shocking New Barry Bonds Allegations| 1. | Extra 45 pounds of muscle added in 1998 not actually from special "Reverse-Atkins Crazy Carboholics" diet | | 2. | Injected Flubber into testicles, just for hell of it | | 3. | Paunchy, long-haired trainer "Camaro Dan" not actual fitness expert | | 4. | Dosed with Nyquil—during daylight hours! | | 5. | Bonds' bats made from genetically-modified maple trees | | 6. | Therapeutic skin grafts actually beef grafts | | 7. | Bonds-endorsed "Human Growth Flakes" cereal not safe for children | | 8. | Bonds didn't actually write "Surfin' Safari" | | 9. | Tasmanian Devil hormone injections not a court-ordered road rage treatment | | 10. | Friends, relatives refer to Bonds as "Skippy" | |
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