|   Fortune 8
Vegas is heaven for the plain Czech. "Can you believe I get fashion advice from a burst of cheerful sunflowers?" he asked me upon arriving. "We brought the outside indoors by having gallons of clean gasoline sloshing around inside a giant plexiglass... (1/21/02)
Fortune 7
It speaks elegantly about you, yet barely whispers. That's right, Montana. Birthplace of the most dramatic clock radio ever designed, and one of the toughest riding mowers ever built. Like a small boy caught in the jaws of war, like the locusts,... (1/7/02)
Fortune 6
I present to you, the King of throw-away island. Slicing a trench into the past, dogwoods spread their sprays like drifting clouds, the most wasteful member of the tree family. "King Trapper of the North" is how they'd like to be remembered. Hardly.... (11/26/01)
Fortune 5
Growing up with snowflake, one learned to drink their sap in the morning. There was no time for globe-girdling as we chased the bears though the jungle of oil refineries, then were eaten like pudding by Lyndon B. Johnson. "Let's get away from the... (10/29/01)
Fortune 4
From mammoths to giant ground sloths, they buried caches of precious materials-- radiocarbon, obsidian, jasper, Idaho and Anthony T. Bouldurian, hundreds of miles from the Rosetta Stone. The violet-crowned Nero, spanning Cyclopean passers-by, "grave... (10/1/01)
Fortune 3
There she is, coincidentally, the prime-time "wrong with this picture" barnstorming editor. Rich Galen. Disproportionate, particularly stark, India's timeless tableaux. Give her credit for exploited cable stations, broader bankers and Nigeria's oil.... (3/1/00)
Fortune 2
"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the... (2/1/00)
Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)
|
Quote of the Day“The unexamined life is not worth living… so show me your tits already.”
-Sol CratesFortune 500 CookieNobody loves you anywhere near as much as your mother, but the bad news is you were adopted and never met her. Your "Most Favored Nathan" status will be revoked this week when a more-favorable Nathan arrives in town. Sorry. Try to start flossing your teeth, crotch and armpits, ASAP. This week's lucky bullets: zingers, greenies, pissmakers, Big Bens, deconstipators, "lead flapjacks," armor-piercing, elephant piercing, Ella Fitzgerald-piercing.
Try again later.Top Shit That's on Fire Right Now| 1. | Ted Ted's ulcer | | 2. | Iraqi fireworks stand #5 | | 3. | Lousy gag candles | | 4. | Old love letters/most of Colorado | | 5. | Salsa music. No, seriously. | | 6. | Apparently some part of Bruce Springsteen | | 7. | The sun. Pretty sure. | | 8. | Richard Pryor-model Jiffy Pop | | 9. | Dad? | | 10. | You obviously lied about those being asbestos pants. | |
| |
