n a move being sharply criticized by Democrats, President Bush announced his plan for a $350 billion tax cut. The cuts would be specifically to registered Republicans and corporations, and Bush promised the reduced taxes would spark growth in the job market and turn the economy around.

Democrats have denounced the move as a blatant attempt to curry voter favor and sustain the president's popularity, despite poor response to domestic issues. Bush's plan for tax cuts to corporations, they say, is more of the same failed Reaganomic "trickle-down" theory operating on the premise that monetary breaks to companies will produce new jobs. As for the reduced taxes for registered Republicans, it is an unbelievable act of hubris by a president with elephant balls.

In addition to the expected backlash by Democrats, the president was dismayed to find some moderate Republicans among critics of the plan. Early response to the idea called initial figures for a $700 billion tax cut too high, and though the president regained some support by lowering the projection to $350 billion, there are still some moderates calling it bad timing for additional tax cuts.

"Don't get me wrong, I could use that tax cut pretty bad," said Ohio Sen. George Voinovich, a leading opponent to the Bush plan, "but we're heading into belt-tightening times, we're looking at a $2 trillion deficit. Just so the president knows, 'deficit' is the one that means we owe that much. As for the tax cuts for Republicans, I don't even know if that's constitutional… but either way, we need to be paying off our huge debts before we start giving money away again."

Like other Bush critics, Voinovich is pointing to the expenses raised by Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, the airline bail out following the incidents, the $100 billion Iraq war, and the projected $600 billion rebuilding cost for Iraq, all of which have turned the estimated surplus over 10 years into a deficit.

Though Voinovich agreed political rifts were dangerous to Republican solidarity, the senator felt that opposing President Bush on the tax issue wouldn't hurt his long-term relationship with the White House.

"I will stick to my beliefs on the issue to best serve my conscience, and I'm sure the president will do the same. It is characteristic of our respect for each other to voice our disagreements."

The interview with Voinovich was cut short as masked men rushed in through doors and windows to strap the senator to his couch. The men then proceeded to wallop Voinovich with black socks filled with bars of soap, their silence countered with the senator's high-pitched shrieks of pain and tearful crying.

The White House would not comment on the hazing, only that they hoped Voinovich would see the wisdom of the Bush tax cut before any more pain was inflicted.

"It is vital and important to our economy that we encourage growth in the public sector," said the president, or someone sounding like Bush while the president moved his lips. "Statistics we've funded show that tax cuts to corporations produce that kind of job creation. As for the tax breaks for registered Republicans, I can't tell you what's partisan or what's vote-buying. What is important is that it is imperative to our administration's long-term plans that I get elected in 2004. These tax cuts are designed for that purpose."

Iraq blah blah blah Suicide blah blah blah Dead

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Hello reading man, is Boris is here. So many thing to tell about Boris life, and so not much space on postcard. Read slow, and Boris will try to fit in many thing.

First funny thing that happens is about Boris friend of bird. One day, Boris is chopping up road on motorcycle thing when all suddenly there is knock-knock on helmet like hello is Boris home. Only is just one knock and so loud like get out of bed asswipe knock. Boris is looking around for knocker person who is not there, so strange.

But then is time to look in lap and realize knock is from bird thing that flies into Boris helmet! Him is thinking this is sky space for bird flying. Nope, bird is wrong and dead. But at this time Boris does think bird is only resting from knock so loud, thing does make birds tired.

So Boris is taking care of new sleeping bird friend, carrying on shoulder like decoration for pirate during day and putting in special bird sleeping bag at nighttimes. Is nice bag with picture of oranges. But oh no, after fun bird week Angels from Hell friends start to ask why Boris does smell like rotten dead ass and there is vote that bird is dead. So sad. Bird does go to goodbye in big metal dumpster coffin thing and Angel does fart like Taps song. Is like in movie when Old Yellow dog does die.

What else is story to tell? Oh, there is thing! Boris does get hand stuck in vending machine at resting stop. And Angels from Hell wants to leave so them does has to drag machine thing behind chopping motorcycle until grabbing machine does fall aparts. So funny. Happy ending is that Boris holds onto Clark bar and does get chocolate reward for this vending adventure.

Life on roads is good times, but Boris does miss Louis robot friend and Similar to Skippy dog. So sad to remember way Similar to Skippy dog does eat the fish out of garbage can all times, and does throws up because him is allergic to fishes. This is nice memory that is family.

But new Angels from Hell family does has good memories also. Like friend Crammer, who falls asleep with hand in water all times and is always pissing pants while sleeping. So funny in morning time for persons not sleeping next to Crammer friend. Sometimes him does forget to do this thing so other Angels help by finding bowl of water for hand. Then there is time Crammer does fall asleep out of doors with hand in puddle, and in morning pants are so pissed to be frozen! Him walking like Frankensteins to try and catch other laughing Angels, so funny when pants are not bending.

Mainly Boris does miss the TV. Road is like same show all times. Boris does get different glasses at gas station to make for different channels, good idea. There is red channel, green channel, yellow channel. Also blurry channel and very large channel but those shows so bad for eyes, cannot watch so long. Is fun thing but not so good as real TVs. Boris is wondering who is winning Fortunate Wheel or at That's Not the Price of This Thing! shows. Such facts not in newspaper! So sad. Boris is thinking to get small motorcycle TV, but so hard to find one does run on wind power or magics. Maybe is thing in Brookstone catalog but Boris can't not get such thing delivered to chopping motorcycle.

Oh well. Boris will wait for new bird friend to come. Goodbye column.

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"There was a roar of the crowd, the chilly wind blowing, the rattling of the weak bleachers we all sat on. It was the biggest game of the year, and our high school was involved. It was Oscar Wilde High School vs. the state champs, Karl Marx H.S. for the title of greatest football team of all time. Though I could be mistaken on the details, my mind grows weary over the years.

I was not a football player myself, but a cherished member of the Oscar Wilde Yahtzee Team. My school pride knew no bounds, including legal ones. I shouted and cheered for the home team through the match, touting our strong defense and lack of homosexuals on the team. I made numerous allusions to the murder of loved ones of opposing team members, but nothing could shake them. They had ice in their veins, or at least freon, if they had drunk from the sports drink I offered the players before the game.

Our boys were not daunted, though. Everyone wanted a piece of the other team, even the guys on the bench and the guys who had been kicked off the team for befriending non-caucasions. So many wanted a piece of the other team that the other team would have to bring in many more players just to have enough pieces to go around, even cut up into many small pieces.

The game was tough, and even playing our best we could only come within mere points of the opposing team in the last few minutes. Then, as contrivance would have it, my brother Goose was brought in off the bench to score the deciding field goal in the last few seconds.

Goose knew the pressure was on, as every fan on every side had yelled to him as he came in from the field. He didn't have a regulation helmet, but fortunately a hairstyle he wore at the time qualified as a helmet by the lax rules of the era. Goose sized up the goal, huffed and puffed like a wolf at the door of a pig house, and ran up to kick the goal.

He caught the ball with the side of his foot and it rolled just a few feet before stopping. The game was over and our team had lost, which was fine with me. As much school spirit as I had, it was a thousand times more satisfying to see Goose humiliated in a way I would forever lord over him. Even to this day. How you like them apples, Goose?"

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