Volume 38

March 17, 2003

Hello commune:

I really admire Mr. Robert Wadlow. He was of incredible height. He was huge but looked very friendly. I am only 5'5" and believe me, I am really disappointed with myself. If only I could grow a little bit taller. Mr Wadlow was so blessed about his size. He is the tallest man in the world! I feel hurt that he died. I wish he were alive. Besides, no one can dare challenge him.

How incredible, fantastic and amazing the height of that man - Robert Wadlow.

I'm very lucky to be in excellent shape. And I can't play basketball because my foot can hurt easily. Lot of happiness to all of you.

Imran
Nairobi, Kenya

Dear Imran:

According to our sources Mr. Wadlow died in 1940, but we understand that in your grief you may not have been able to write to us right away. Come to think of it, you may have been waiting for the commune to come into existence before you wrote to us, a move we here at the commune applaud. However, you're still about four years late, and we're afraid that the statute of limitations for your question has subsequently expired. Wait, you didn't ask any questions, did you? Thanks for wasting our time, fucknuts.

the commune

Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for any injuries that may result from our annual Hunt for the World's Tallest Man contest. If you don't know how to safely tranquillize and taxiderm an eight-foot-tall human being, you shouldn't be participating.

Quote of the Day

“Get out of my way, you're crapping up my genius, dumbnuts.”

-Ayn Randy

Fortune 500 Cookie

All of those great things we said were going to happen to you last week? Yeah, sorry, we had you mixed up with your brother. You're fucked. Try parking your car at the far end of the lot and walking this week: everyone finds the way you jiggle when you walk highly amusing. Your friends and the packaging aren't lying: that's not toothpaste. Did you really think you were going to get away with naming your son Pringles? This week's lucky ass creams: Vaseline Intensive Hair, Ditch the Itch Ultra, Smooth Movers Hibiscus Scent, Baby's Ass in a Bottle, Johnson & Johnson No More Flaming Mass of Ground Hamburger Hemorrhoid Salve.

Try again later.

Top 5 commune Features This Week

1.	Twins: God's Mistake
2.	HD-DVD, Blu-Ray Discs, Digital Tape, and 10 More Reasons to Stop Buying Movies
3.	Uncle Macho's Bathtub Tequila
4.	Touched by an Angel: "I Was Molested by Gabriel"
5.	Critic's Corner: How You Personally Ruined Western Culture

Volume 37
Dear commune: Let me be the brave throat giving voice to the widespread, though silent, thought on the brain of the nation: It's time to set Arkansas on fire. We've danced around the issue long enough, now it is time for action. Nothing useful has... (3/3/03)

Volume 36
Dear commune: Dude sends you a piece of paper over the phone line, and it's not mail anymore. But then dude sends you a dirty joke that never existed on paper or in the real world, just some doodles on your screen, and suddenly it's mail again?... (2/17/03)

Volume 35
Hey commune: Grady Volsang here again, for the first time. Pissed off? Yeah, that's right. You must've got a warning call from my wife. Seems like you can't piss out a window in this town without cheesing off some bleeding-heart liberal, that's... (2/3/03)