![]() There Was No Way to Tell![]() ![]() December 9, 2002 ![]() he tree hopped down from the hill and he dashed through the field. The sun had been peeled and the clouds were as plump as a Chinaman's rump. A squirrel was asleep on a branch, he awoke with a blanch and he turned a stark white when the fright leapt up from his toes like a flash. A duck somersaulted through the grass, he was stoned off his ass on crackers. No, no, quackers! The duck thought this funny as he saulted. So he missed it when the tree ran by, though a fly saw it twelve dozen times because that's the kind of eyes God gave him, we surmise he got bored after five. When Luchas, who was chewing on a fig he had pulled from his wig, saw the tree he cashed it in. In the seat of his pants, where a platoon of ants quickly voted to find a new place to live. Sanchel thought the thing was a dream, so she couldn't help but scream when she saw the tree had ice cream. "A looper! A looper on the loose!" cried a tri-colored goose when he saw the tree streak nakedly by. "Ah-ah?" said poor Renal from the South as ham fell from his mouth. When the tree stepped on right-foot blue he forgot how to chew, his Twister picnic interrupted. The scientist was taken aback while on her date with Lumber Jack. "This cannot be! I must investigate!" But she for one ran too slow and too late, for Jack jumped up in a haste and with axe in had, he took up chase. This parade was quite the sight to see. A dozen lit out for the tree, sure that magical lands awaited. But when the tree dove trunk-first in the river, the group gave up with a toe-dip and a shiver, their curiosity abated. After all, let's not get carried away here. ![]() Quote of the Day“I can't quit you babe… you got me locked into a 24-month exclusive contraaaaact… oh yes you do oh yes you do… your early termination fees are givin' me the blues… I been on hold so long baby now so long now ba-by yeah… I know you're on the line with a-nother man and it's breakin my heeeeart in two…”-Naked Mole Rat Jefferson Fortune 500 CookieYou will find true love this week, but you'll return it because it smells funny. Try using words like "adage" and "usage" less frequently; you think it makes you sound smart, everybody else thinks you're turning into Pauly Shore. Don't hesitate to fire blindly into a crowd of strangers this week: hesitation can be deadly. This week's lucky trucks: ice cream, any variety being washed by bikini babes, Gaelic Motors' 4WD Clover, any whose manufacturers don't run commercials claiming they're "like Iraq."Try again later. Top Rejected Muppets
![]() Through the Colon of a Whale A Gonit on a sled races home to his bed through the colon of a whale sleeping on a bed of shale snoring gently, without fail. Through corridors the green sled slid past hooks and nooks where blue snails hid by toreadors who long debated ... (12/9/02) The Girl Everyone Just Sort of Assumed Was Native American Here is a tale, well-learned, well-told, about a girl of fifteen years old. A girl nearly so old she could drive with pretty brown skin and a look in her eye. Between that and how she called the corn "maize" everyone thought her and Indian... (11/11/02) GET UP! "GET UP!" screamed the miter (a miniature mote) who'd grown up in the bottom of the back of a boat. "RISE!" cried the tiny little segmented man whose hat was bright purple, but his body was tan. "HUZZAH!" he repeated, at the top... (10/28/02) ![]() ![]() ![]() |