![]() The Girl Everyone Just Sort of Assumed Was Native American![]() ![]() November 11, 2002 Here is a tale, well-learned, well-told,
about a girl of fifteen years old. A girl nearly so old she could drive with pretty brown skin and a look in her eye. Between that and how she called the corn "maize" everyone thought her and Indian babe. Much props was she given, more than her share for her leatherstocking dress and well-braided hair. We thought her a mystic with powers bizarre that she traveled by horse instead of a car; wise and well-bred, with roots in the earth, who knew what the wind and the rain were all worth; that a teardrop would fall from one eye of brown when someone tossed their litter around. Maybe, someone said, she lived in a teepee that's perfect for her, if not ideal for me. It's possible someone has traded for deeds this land all around for a necklace of beads. So flooded with angst and white liberal guilt we apologized for genocide and buildings we built, but we found out later it was all for noit and it turns out she actually came from Detroit! She's black, not a Native, and now we have no doubt a million other things to feel guilty about. ![]() Milestones1993: Ramon Nootles graduates from San Dimas Community College with a degree in Questionable Journalism, the first degree of its kind offered in America, and a minor in Poontang Studies.Now HiringIron Monkey. We saw the movie and thought the ancient Chinese legend might be the guy to get the ninja we hired out of our offices. Lame-ass ninja, poison-darting Lefty the mail clerk and skittering across the tops of the computer towers.Top-Selling commune Paraphernalia
![]() GET UP! "GET UP!" screamed the miter (a miniature mote) who'd grown up in the bottom of the back of a boat. "RISE!" cried the tiny little segmented man whose hat was bright purple, but his body was tan. "HUZZAH!" he repeated, at the top... (10/28/02) Mouse in My House The mouse in my house has the run of the land. He pees in my porridge and he shits in my hand while I lie sleeping, naively unaware that the mouse in my house is nibbling on my hair. And eating my breadcrumbs! And drinking my pop! I... (10/14/02) The Boy From Demon's Bay In a tree on a hill by a glimmering lake lived a boy named LeCroy and his father, LeJake. In the simmering sun on the year's hottest day the boy went for a walk in the town of Demon's Bay. Though he was well liked the boy was... (9/30/02) ![]() ![]() ![]() |