Through the Colon of a WhaleDecember 9, 2002 A Gonit on a sled
races home to his bed through the colon of a whale sleeping on a bed of shale snoring gently, without fail. Through corridors the green sled slid past hooks and nooks where blue snails hid by toreadors who long debated how they'd come to be located improbably, deep in these innards and who was singing that Lynard Skynard. The Gonit's sled shot past the belly where several ships swayed in the jelly each one's crew singing quite loudly a different tune, and they sang it proudly all except for an alien saucer who's crew sat glumly, reading Chaucer. And from the stomach's cavernous walls sounded pounding, and muffled calls to keep it down, we're trying to sleep and we hope you drown, you bleepity-bleep. The Gonit slid the Gonit slipped past a half-digested ship and a clam who had the grippe and a drunk who was quite ripped. A school of sturgeons were seen merging with a herd of white sea horses and a jar of jellyfish changing courses. A submarine was wedged between an obese dolphin and a walrus, six antelopes who'd caught a virus squeezed by in search of mint papyrus. And still the Gonit sped along from colonic locations far and yon through endless twisting tubes and tunnels that slowly narrowed like a pink funnel. The tunnel's subtle turn and twist lulled the Gonit like a hypnotist and his eyes began to droop by the three-hundredth loop-the-loop. First he nodded, then he dazed, his eyes took on a glassy glaze as he began to dream and dream of sleeping because quite shut his eyes were creeping. Into a Gonit dreamscape he sweetly slipped as his body slouched forward and his round head dipped, a move he regretted, there can be no doubt, when he missed his turn and was pooped right out. Milestones1853: The snorkel is invented, leading indirectly to the conception of commune reporter Lil Duncan several years later. STD specialists from the CDC would eventually send a robot back in time in an attempt to prevent this chain of events from occurring, but tragically this move caused the Short Circuit franchise of films in the 1980's instead.Now HiringMidwife Crisis. Not entirely sure what this is, but the guys thought it would be funny. So… Hmm. Uh… well, if you have experience delivering babies in a dramatic and dangerous fashion, then I suppose you should dust off your résumé. No freaks please.Least-Anticipated Holiday Movies
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