![]() GET UP!![]() ![]() October 28, 2002 "GET UP!"
screamed the miter (a miniature mote) who'd grown up in the bottom of the back of a boat. "RISE!" cried the tiny little segmented man whose hat was bright purple, but his body was tan. "HUZZAH!" he repeated, at the top of his lungs the very tip top, so loud it rattled his bung. "GOOD MORNING!" he shouted. "MOOD GORNING!" he out-snouted through the reverberant caverns of his nose as he screamed and he scramped and he ripped off his clothes. "BRRRRRANT!" on his bugle he bugled the note. Then he honked out a ditty that he'd recently wrote. Into his mega he phoned and he bellowed and moaned as he screeched and he warbled like a boy band on fire and he pierced the sky with high notes like a castrated choir. He jumped and he leaped as he stomped and he beeped, making such a racket as to wake up the dead who would wake with a ring and a buzz in their heads. But even when threw a drum kit down the stairs and gave untuned tubas to the back-country bears and told the hyenas a side-splitting joke and he banged on his gong till his gong-banger broke, on his chalk board he screeched a quarry's worth of chalk and he gave the loud-talkers a license to talk and he shoved a canoe through a tight leather shoe and he told teenage girls they were bathing in poo and he amplified a donkey to the power of six and he beat the complainer at a game of pick-up sticks, he alarmed an alarm and he pantsed a school marm and he dropped twelve ball bearings on an aluminum barn and he crept into the pope's bedroom and he screamed "DARN!" still Roofer McGoofer McGoo slept and he slept. Goddamn dog. ![]() Quote of the Day“No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the people; except, of course, for those people who keep giving Tony Danza a TV series.”-H.M. Lincoln Fortune 500 CookieOur deepest condolences for your loss—but cheer up, there will be another Powerball lottery before you know it. Taco Bell wasn't fucking with you about that protection money, as you'll find out this week. You were right: you should have weighted that body down better. Lucky feathers this week: Condor, goose, anything Elton John wore in the '70s.Try again later. Top-Selling commune Paraphernalia
![]() Mouse in My House The mouse in my house has the run of the land. He pees in my porridge and he shits in my hand while I lie sleeping, naively unaware that the mouse in my house is nibbling on my hair. And eating my breadcrumbs! And drinking my pop! I... (10/14/02) The Boy From Demon's Bay In a tree on a hill by a glimmering lake lived a boy named LeCroy and his father, LeJake. In the simmering sun on the year's hottest day the boy went for a walk in the town of Demon's Bay. Though he was well liked the boy was... (9/30/02) A Little Bit Hungry A midget ate a pigeon and the pigeon ate a pig. If that seems odd remember that the pig was not that big. He was a bite-sized nugget, a toy pig as they say, one that would fit on a keychain should your inkling lean that way. The pig... (9/16/02) ![]() ![]() ![]() |