![]() Mouse in My House![]() ![]() October 14, 2002 ![]() he mouse in my house has the run of the land. He pees in my porridge and he shits in my hand while I lie sleeping, naively unaware that the mouse in my house is nibbling on my hair. And eating my breadcrumbs! And drinking my pop! I have asked him nicely, politely to stop. But did this dissuade him, persuade him to cease? He just ate my cold pizza, every last doughy piece. And as if to taunt me he loves to play and roll in my bed sheets while I am away. He loves to go dipping in my marinara sauce and to leave marinara footprints up, down and across, and on up the stairs to the top of my bedspread where I sleep unawares. He ate all my baloney! Now this is no joke. And he twice left the tops off my toothpaste and Coke. One went quite flat, and the other went hard. And this mouse in my house left his bike in my yard! It's not like it would kill him to put the toilet seat down, or wipe the mud off his feet when he's been mousing around town. There's just no reason he can't put his playing cards away or clean up his jigsaw puzzles at the end of the day. Or close the front door when he's gone out to play. Or whisper more quietly when he kneels down to pray. But the one mousey caper I just cannot forgive is when he got my sister pregnant. I hope you like d-Con, mouse. ![]() Quote of the Day“I am the very model of a modern major general. Perhaps this explains my inability to move my limbs and the pungent smell of airplane glue.”-Gilgamesh Sullivan Fortune 500 CookieYou will get kicked in the balls for a good cause this week. Expect a telephone call from a long forgotten friend today—your split personality from Belgium. Lose the mustache, that "Hitler" look is so 1997. This week's stomach-pump jackpot: $20 in loose change, long-lost stash, grandma's favorite knitting needles, Nerds.Try again later. Top Unrevealed Bush Tax Cut Benefits
![]() The Boy From Demon's Bay In a tree on a hill by a glimmering lake lived a boy named LeCroy and his father, LeJake. In the simmering sun on the year's hottest day the boy went for a walk in the town of Demon's Bay. Though he was well liked the boy was... (9/30/02) A Little Bit Hungry A midget ate a pigeon and the pigeon ate a pig. If that seems odd remember that the pig was not that big. He was a bite-sized nugget, a toy pig as they say, one that would fit on a keychain should your inkling lean that way. The pig... (9/16/02) Scrumpletydumples "Flippetyripples dapplety-giblets!" cried the elf-like thing. Pouncing on his footstool, he was dressed fit for a king. His sniveling little attendant was harshly reprimanded: "Dimplety-smackers… chalooga!" he so eloquently demanded.... (9/16/02) ![]() ![]() ![]() |