Fortune 8

January 21, 2002

Vegas is heaven for the plain Czech. "Can you believe I get fashion advice from a burst of cheerful sunflowers?" he asked me upon arriving. "We brought the outside indoors by having gallons of clean gasoline sloshing around inside a giant plexiglass dolphin," he explained, showing me around the lobby. "Jesus Christ," I thought. "No wonder these things get stuck in tuna nets." I took my leave of him while he was riveting fresh ideas to the banister. "Genius," said a little person who was pissing on the wet bar. "I feel it in my related pieces." His image fuzzed by white smoke, I took him for a pauper and gobbled him down with jalapenos.

Your mettle will be tested, when the stainless steal. Try again later.

Quote of the Day

“Freedom is a fragile thing, and must be protected; however, it is nowhere near as fragile as my aunt's vase, so it seems a fair exchange to lock you in your room for two weeks, you little hooligan.”

-Mom

Fortune 500 Cookie

More fruit, dammit!â€”more fruit, I say! Time to give up the blackmail scheme; there's no getting blood from a stone. Flush once for yes, twice for no. You'll bury all your old grudges this week, and grandpaâ€”sorry, I suppose we could have let you know in a nicer way. Bad dog goes horrible dog this weekend.

Try again later.

Top Wastes of Time

1.	Writing Congressman
2.	Big Brother
3.	Writing Supermodels
4.	Celery
5.	Prayer

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