Fortune 6

November 26, 2001

I present to you, the King of throw-away island. Slicing a trench into the past, dogwoods spread their sprays like drifting clouds, the most wasteful member of the tree family. "King Trapper of the North" is how they'd like to be remembered. Hardly. Tubers, seeds, runners, corms, bulbs, rhizomes, roots and spores fan out like chuck wagons clattering in a figure eight. A boy sets out; a man returns, chromosomes aligning. Less secret are the lichens, and the groundhogs are without good cause, like spoiled vultures. Shaded by the cursed dogwood. Among the toughest of living things, A.L. van den Brandeler makes quick with the axe to help me single-hand her.

You will feed during summer's abundance, mate, lay eggs and die. Try again later.

Quote of the Day

“Fight back, men! It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean!”

-Capt. William Thomas Turner of the Lusitania

Fortune 500 Cookie

Looks like your lawyers have kept those topless photos out of the magazine; that and the fact you're 89 years old. Tonight, conquer life's mystery: Find out what that Alpo tastes like. Today is great week to give the gift of peanut brittle. Shaved or unshaved? Your dogs will love you either way. Today's lucky charms: Pink hearts, blue moons, green clovers, virtually any of them.

Try again later.

Top Replacements for Dead Dog

1.	Dead Dog's Twin Brother
2.	Game Boy Advance
3.	Cheech Marin
4.	Old Throw Blanket That Smells Like Alpo
5.	Sound FX CD Vol. 16: Barkapalooza

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