Fortune 4

October 1, 2001

From mammoths to giant ground sloths, they buried caches of precious materials-- radiocarbon, obsidian, jasper, Idaho and Anthony T. Bouldurian, hundreds of miles from the Rosetta Stone. The violet-crowned Nero, spanning Cyclopean passers-by, "grave circle A" to the place of the Mycenae, picked up a mushroom from the ground. In the distant Acropolis, no roof over their heads, drinking the joy water over the course of 15 minutes, sat Wall Street millionaire E.F. Hutton and his wife, Postum heiress Marjorie Merriweather Post. Our first clue that this was a tomb was when the Dane paused on his homeward journey to salute the Hybrid Human. To these lands came the corn men, deciphering Venus who stood and watched over their hours, designed and bound in traditional cloth. Beautifully illustrated in color... let's hear it for ancient women!

You will walk through time. Try again later.

Quote of the Day

“The day destroys the night, the night divides the day, carry the four, times the weekend, round up from seven, and: Presto! 14. Not sure what that means, I'll get back to you next album.”

-Gin Orbison

Fortune 500 Cookie

Monkeys and live electrical wire are a bad combo for you this week. Try combing your hair with a rakeâ€”hey, maybe those jokers were right. You will quit smoking this week, and upgrade to the syringe. Don't take any shit from the crippled, elderly, or the extremely weak: pretty much anybody you can get your girlfriend to beat up. This week's lucky burritos: Refried Revenge, Chock-Full- O-Olives, The Grand Mal, Nuthin-But-Sour- Cream, El Sleeping Bag, Someone Beaned My Ass Tonight.

Try again later.

Top 5 commune Features This Week

1.	Choosing the Most Out-of-Date Pictures for Your Personal Ad
2.	Go Blind and Improve Your Piano Playing
3.	Toe Nails: America's Newest Tax Write-Off
4.	Uncle Macho's Something Dead Stew
5.	Salad Days: Three Days, 34 Trips Back to the Bar

Fortune 3
There she is, coincidentally, the prime-time "wrong with this picture" barnstorming editor. Rich Galen. Disproportionate, particularly stark, India's timeless tableaux. Give her credit for exploited cable stations, broader bankers and Nigeria's oil.... (3/1/00)

Fortune 2
"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the... (2/1/00)

Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)