Fortune 4

October 1, 2001

From mammoths to giant ground sloths, they buried caches of precious materials-- radiocarbon, obsidian, jasper, Idaho and Anthony T. Bouldurian, hundreds of miles from the Rosetta Stone. The violet-crowned Nero, spanning Cyclopean passers-by, "grave circle A" to the place of the Mycenae, picked up a mushroom from the ground. In the distant Acropolis, no roof over their heads, drinking the joy water over the course of 15 minutes, sat Wall Street millionaire E.F. Hutton and his wife, Postum heiress Marjorie Merriweather Post. Our first clue that this was a tomb was when the Dane paused on his homeward journey to salute the Hybrid Human. To these lands came the corn men, deciphering Venus who stood and watched over their hours, designed and bound in traditional cloth. Beautifully illustrated in color... let's hear it for ancient women!

You will walk through time. Try again later.

Quote of the Day

“You can't tell me what to do. Unless I was already just about to do the thing you said. Then I'll do what you say, but not because you said to do it. Hold on; let me draw up a flow chart.”

-Pistain Johnson

Fortune 500 Cookie

In retrospect, it was a mistake to name your jewelry store "Who Faahted?" Try learning a new song this week: Everybody's sick of the theme from Ice Pirates. You'll get lucky in the market this week: all your stocks will plummet, but you're going to get laid by a butcher. This week's lucky terms of endearment: Ninjatits, Daddy's Little Freebaser, Grape Ape, President Precious, Monsieur Brabuster.

Try again later.

Top Regretted Dog Names

1.	Jar Jar
2.	Forever Young
3.	Harvey Milk
4.	Meatballs
5.	Dogzor, Lord of All Dogs

Fortune 3
There she is, coincidentally, the prime-time "wrong with this picture" barnstorming editor. Rich Galen. Disproportionate, particularly stark, India's timeless tableaux. Give her credit for exploited cable stations, broader bankers and Nigeria's oil.... (3/1/00)

Fortune 2
"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the... (2/1/00)

Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)