Fortune 3

March 1, 2000

There she is, coincidentally, the prime-time "wrong with this picture" barnstorming editor. Rich Galen. Disproportionate, particularly stark, India's timeless tableaux. Give her credit for exploited cable stations, broader bankers and Nigeria's oil. Cripped by hydrocephalus, 75 followers and their children let the sport ute pass me. Their height and high-mounted headlights wear you down. Christians sold their cars, typically, so I wear the blue outfit. The accordion player Alphonse is second fiddle, in 1992 he was the grand marshal of the Louisiana Swine Festival. Born a Jew, he survived his diary and described himself as a revolutionary, a minister without a portfolio. Miniature pattern envelopes open to reveal Democrats and fanciful murals among the Nazis. Ravaged by mental illness, Regulators fear network TV audiences and a good nursing home. Meanwhile, the Niger River just keeps reverberating.

You will become a casualty of the cocaine wars. Try again later.

Milestones

1994: Omar Bricks arrested after setting a statue of the Virgin Mary ablaze atop the Ferris wheel at the State Fair. Gets off on a technicality that goes down in legal history as the Proud Mary defense

Now Hiring

Flamenco Dancer. Leggy Latin beauty needed to, well, you know. And dance. Must be disease-free and light on the orthodontia. Garden hose-based qualifications a big plus. Mus- wait. Really? Then what the hell's flamenco?

How Did Rat Poison Get in Food for Dogs & Cats?

1.	Particularly sly British mouse known only as Nigel
2.	Adult illiteracy: Secret shame of the pet food industry
3.	Turned back for one minute; Islamic fundamentalists cats & dogs go shithouse on production line
4.	Mislabeled bags were manufactured for special Ted Nugent brand of pet food
5.	One man determined to get the fucking dog to play dead already

Fortune 2
"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the... (2/1/00)

Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)