Fortune 3

March 1, 2000

There she is, coincidentally, the prime-time "wrong with this picture" barnstorming editor. Rich Galen. Disproportionate, particularly stark, India's timeless tableaux. Give her credit for exploited cable stations, broader bankers and Nigeria's oil. Cripped by hydrocephalus, 75 followers and their children let the sport ute pass me. Their height and high-mounted headlights wear you down. Christians sold their cars, typically, so I wear the blue outfit. The accordion player Alphonse is second fiddle, in 1992 he was the grand marshal of the Louisiana Swine Festival. Born a Jew, he survived his diary and described himself as a revolutionary, a minister without a portfolio. Miniature pattern envelopes open to reveal Democrats and fanciful murals among the Nazis. Ravaged by mental illness, Regulators fear network TV audiences and a good nursing home. Meanwhile, the Niger River just keeps reverberating.

You will become a casualty of the cocaine wars. Try again later.

Quote of the Day

“Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel. The second to last refuge of the scoundrel is a cave in the Ozarks. Third to last? Under the bed in a four-star hotel in Paris. Fourth? Puns. Puns are the fourth-to-last refuge of the scoundrel.”

-Johnuel Samson

Fortune 500 Cookie

Whoever cut your jib, they fucked it all up, dude. Try wearing more spandex this week, your current quantities aren't providing sufficient coverage. Remember: an ounce of prevention is worth an inch of milk-fed veal. This week's lucky pizza restaurant mascots: The Noidette, Little Greaser, Humpy the Pizza Camel, "Cheese Dick" Richard Romano, Lumpy-Thighed Sex Goddess Valotta Ricotta.

Try again later.

5 Spin-Offs That Died in Production

1.	Star Trek: Klingon Roommate
2.	Law & Order/C.S.I.: Shitloads of Corpses
3.	Enemies of Friends
4.	King of Queens' Fat Neighbor
5.	Wheel of Fortune: Vowels Only

Fortune 2
"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the... (2/1/00)

Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)