Fortune 2

February 1, 2000

"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the same motorcycle gang as Miss America and finally blah blah blah. The hills bragged about their alcoholic dog population, which had been deregulated and redegradated. Clifford had a plan to systematically steal Nixon's eyes. It was as personal as it was unprecidented. Luckily for Nixon, two of his four engine mounts were liquid-filled. Heh, dumb fucking dog.

You will find love in a new pastry drawer. Try again later.

Milestones

1853: The snorkel is invented, leading indirectly to the conception of commune reporter Lil Duncan several years later. STD specialists from the CDC would eventually send a robot back in time in an attempt to prevent this chain of events from occurring, but tragically this move caused the Short Circuit franchise of films in the 1980's instead.

Now Hiring

Midwife Crisis. Not entirely sure what this is, but the guys thought it would be funny. Soâ€¦ Hmm. Uhâ€¦ well, if you have experience delivering babies in a dramatic and dangerous fashion, then I suppose you should dust off your rÃ©sumÃ©. No freaks please.

Top 5 commune Features This Week

1.	Test the Durability of Your Training Bra
2.	Music Piracy: Are You a Fucking Thief?
3.	Uncle Macho's Pure Gristle Hamburgers
4.	A Preview of Elton John's Autobiography: A Dick in the Wind
5.	Critics' Corner: You Suck, My Battleship, a Review of U-571

Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)