Fortune 2

February 1, 2000

"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the same motorcycle gang as Miss America and finally blah blah blah. The hills bragged about their alcoholic dog population, which had been deregulated and redegradated. Clifford had a plan to systematically steal Nixon's eyes. It was as personal as it was unprecidented. Luckily for Nixon, two of his four engine mounts were liquid-filled. Heh, dumb fucking dog.

You will find love in a new pastry drawer. Try again later.

Quote of the Day

“We'll meet again. You might say that's impossible, since people can only meet once, but they haven't factored in my patented time machine and early-onset Alzheimer's.”

-Capt. Don Spacegain, Year 3054

Fortune 500 Cookie

Now's the perfect time to launch your alternative news website. Thursday's haul proves your friend's theory that the Halloween is really the only lucrative time for trick-or-treating. For your information, he's going to shoot his old woman down 'cause he caught her messing 'round with some other man; you don't need to know everything. Lucky son of a bitch.

Try again later.

Top 5 Pre-Rapture Activities

1.	Making fun of people who believe in the rapture
2.	Borrowing money from people who believe in the rapture
3.	Ironic Masturbation
4.	Angry Birds
5.	Monopoly: Rapture Edition, or prayer, whatever everybodyâ€™s up for

Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)