Fortune 2

February 1, 2000

"Day to day gyrations are a sign of a good performing Georgi," said The Wise Men about Clifford's cunning. Clifford retorted: "Bark. Bark. Bark." ("The Buck is Bruised"). He tended to confuse Vietnam with reality. Because of Regan he ended up in the same motorcycle gang as Miss America and finally blah blah blah. The hills bragged about their alcoholic dog population, which had been deregulated and redegradated. Clifford had a plan to systematically steal Nixon's eyes. It was as personal as it was unprecidented. Luckily for Nixon, two of his four engine mounts were liquid-filled. Heh, dumb fucking dog.

You will find love in a new pastry drawer. Try again later.

Milestones

1931: Former commune columnist Sampson L. Hartwig forfeits another "Race Around the World" when it is discovered that he merely hid in a barn for three days, then took a taxi in from the opposite side of town, claiming victory.

Now Hiring

Compulsive Ass-Kisser. Shameless suck-up needed to boost general staff morale and cut down on work days lost to crippling depression. Total lack of discernment required. Insane "Never met a man I didn't like" attitude a plus.

Most-Favored Rok Finger Insults

1.	Your tie is particularly thin
2.	Your wife likes having sex
3.	Your smell? I didn't want to tell you, but it's not especially pleasing
4.	What kind of name is "Gore"?
5.	We could be mistaken for twins

Fortune 1
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we... (1/1/00)