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11/4/26   
Three cheers for the commune! Two?

Fortune 1

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January 1, 2000
There is a very tricky method for applying a neutral shadow to animal consciousness. If a lion could talk, it would be too low for humans to hear, but he would tell the story of the Greatest Elephant That Ever Lived. If we could hear him, which we can't. Duh. Squirrels don't warn the bourgeois because they find their hairstyles threatening and their accents an act of war. They're not seeing your make-up, they're seeing remarkable cariboo and gnats from Dusseldorf. According to the latest Gallup poll, at least. It also said that global warming actually makes you a better feminist and helps with Windows 95 conflicts. Though regardless I still can't get these birth control pills to load. The moon's reflective quality made the crab nervous so he took up smoking Virginia Slims, he was still using Windows 3.1. The lion whispered in my ear and it sounded like he said I needed to write a book called "Chicken Soup for Assholes", that it would sell like hotcakes. It was either that or "get me out of these hotpants", he was quite a mumbler.

You will affect the president's ability to act decisively in a crisis. Try again later.


Quote of the Day
“Early to bed and early to rise make a man healthy, wealthy, and in total compliance with puritan mores. All others will be stoned to death, just as soon as they wake up.”

-Dan Franklin
Fortune 500 Cookie
You are the jovial type who would gladly eat shit and ask for more, which will serve you well in the coming year, what with the shovel fork you got for Christmas. But for the sake of Buddha, remember to pack a roll of Certs. Lucky numbers 33, 57, 89, 105.


Try again later.
Least Requested Christmas Gifts
1.Sleepover at Neverland Ranch
2.Likes-it-Rough Elmo
3.Virtual Crackbaby
4.Inoperable Brain Tumor
5.Hot Toddy, the hottest doll of 1922
6.New Matrix sequels
7.Saddam Hussein action figure with Hideaway Hovel playset
8.Online Predator Chat for X-Box Live
9.Four More Years
10.No Hope for the Holidays, an all-star Christmas Depression
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