ollowing the Wednesday claiming of Baghdad by U.S. forces, pro-America sentiment has surged all around the media and certain circles in the city. Iraqis everywhere are extremely delighted to come and support the armed troops in their city and the possible death of Saddam Hussein. But the larger issue for most is the fall of Hussein's regime.

"It is the happiest day in the history of Iraq," said an unidentified translator. "For years Iraq was a free country under British rule, and then Saddam took over and we lived under his repressive, anti-American regime. Now we are liberated under America!"

Many Iraqi citizens showed support of the U.S. by liberating oppressed televisions, stereos, and office supply furniture from local stores. One U.S. serviceman said the sight brought a tear to his eye and reminded him of his hometown, Los Angeles.

Also liberated by days of American bombings are the country's electricity and water lines, countless physical structures, and many Iraqi people. Most notable among the missing and possibly-dead is Saddam Hussein and one or more of his two sons, Uday and Odai. Others that may have been in the bombed bunker with Hussein were cousins, uncles, nephews, and half-brothers Tumay, Uskay, Ajay, Ebay, Uxay, Umay, Igay, Ogay, Ugay, Imai, and Garfield.

When asked to clarify, field leader Gen. Tony "Iron Shoes" Credenza replied, "We believe it was a very large bunker, with lots of seating space."

The outpouring of public support for the U.S. strikes many as vindication of the war on Iraq. Despite the antagonism between Western countries raised by the invasion, the rift in the American population, the outrageous price tag to the war, the 100-plus American dead and many wounded and imprisoned, the countless dead and wounded on Iraq's side, the likelihood of producing stronger anti-Americanism in Arab countries, and the lack of attention given to domestic issues, many agree the footage of Saddam Hussein statues being torn down is quite impressive.

"It is an exhilarating feeling to destroy images of Saddam that have lorded over us for so long," said a 60-something Iraqi citizen with a good grasp of English. "Also I am glad the American troops are tearing down that George Bush welcome mat. I offered to destroy it myself with my sledgehammer, but they didn't bite."

Several in military intelligence are worried about reports that Hussein might not have been killed as believed, but escaped with key Iraqi officials into neighboring Syria. President Bush issued a warning to Syrian leaders in the wake of such reports that if they offered protection to Hussein or any top Iraqi leaders they would be considered no better than American protestors.

Elsewhere in the war, U.S. forces continued to search for chemical or potential nuclear weapons as the troops push northward and have yet to discover any proof of weapons of mass destruction. Early reports of chemical weapons found last week turned out to most likely be chemicals for agricultural purposes; however, the discovery of 50 "suicide bomber" vests gave the White House hope.

"We may have been misquoted in our statement of purpose," said White House spin doctor Murph Harris. "We were actually searching for weapons of meager destruction. And these definitely count."

ess than two months after the space shuttle Columbia exploded in the skies over a number of western American states, a Gallup poll reveals that at least 87% of all citizens don't even remember that it happened. Six percent said that they recall "something like that sort of happening a while back, or whatever," and another seven percent simply replied "Huh?"

"It was the gravest and most important news of the moment. Americans everywhere felt a profound sense of grief at that tragic loss, at least until more important events occurred," said FOX anchorman Brit Hume. "It was humbling, at the time, to experience such a stirring loss for our nation, but it was understandably forgotten when the Michael Jackson interview aired, and 'American Idol' returned to TV, and after we declared war on France and, uh... oh yeah, Iraq."

"We at CNN are dedicated to forging the path to the truth of these mortifying events and exposing the cause for as long as it takes," CNN anchor Shepherd Smith pointed out. "But that was provided there were no new developments in the DC sniper hearings, or Martha Stewart didn't set her Imclone stock on fire. And, as everyone knows, there were a lot of breaking stories in the days following the Challenger explosion, including- What? The Columbia? When?"

MSNBC reporter Victoria Corderi added with a giggle that she couldn't recall "even the tiniest detail of that story now. I can tell you where I had my hair done last week, though. And I can name all fifty state capitals. Want to hear? There's Augusta, and there's Birmingham, and there's... wait, is it Birmingham? Oh yeah, and I think Atlanta, or does that take the place of Augusta...? And there's definitely Albany. Definitely Albany. There's Sacramento, too, but wait, I'm getting out of order..."

Systems analyst Prudy Righteous, of Hellflung, Arizona, responded to the Gallup poll, and told pollsters that she thought she remembered something about finding a big pile of twisted metal wreckage and what appeared to be a scattering of human remains while vacationing at her parents' ranch in west Texas, but that "It all seems like a blur to me now. You know how you have those funny kind of wakey dreams, where everything seems so real, like aliens standing over your bed and anal-probing you, but you don't really remember it in the morning? It was kind of like that."

Another respondent, unemployed seasonal worker Manuel Shorthoe, of Reamer, Nevada, said that he thought he saw something bright streaking across the sky a couple months back, but added that "You guys prob'ly shouldn't pay much attention to that. I see that kind of stuff while staring at the ceiling in my living room all the time. You know. But hey, did you catch that Michael Jackson interview? Man, that guy is like a total freakin' freak, you know what I'm saying?"

When asked if they thought the shuttle program should continue in light of the now-forgotten tragedy, a full 90% responded "Heck yeah! How else are we going to get to the airport? You know how much long term parking costs there?"

Because the number of people sampled was much higher than usual -- a whopping 57,392 people responded, probably because they were all promised that Bill Gates would send them a check and a gift certificate to the Gap if they did so -- the margin for error was set at approximately plus or minus 14%.

So apparently there's a war of some sort going on. I mean, I knew about it, just like in high school. I knew it was going on, even if I couldn't tell you where it is or who all is involved. Who knew it was going to affect me at any point in time?

Yessir, bob, this war has claimed another victim: My TV show.

I got a call from Dusty last Monday telling me that UPN decided to delay airing Archipelago Law until after the war was over. Like anybody knows when that will be. It won't be before May, at least, and the network won't air the show during sweeps since they can get bigger ratings with Family Matters syndicated re-runs. So I'm up a sewage-heavy creek and not about to paddle with my hands.

This is just like war. When that guy sings what is it good for, hey brother, I hear ya. Every time I'm in a movie there's some war movie that comes out and beats us at the box office or gets higher ratings on the TV. Every time I have a boyfriend and talk him into going to the movies we have to see some stupid war movie, even if it's a mob war or a gang war or some small kind of war movie. And now war is interfering with my big comeback show. Way to go, war.

I'm sure the people of Iraqistan are grateful there's a war going on there, they get all the free publicity they could use and every time we have a war we pay for it afterwards 'cause we're such good sports, but it doesn't help me at all. I don't care what kind of government they have—Republican, Democrat—it's none of my business. But when fuzzy green shots of tanks and missiles and oil fires are airing when I'm supposed to be running around in a grass skirt and coconut bra on the TV, then it's my business.

Unlike a lot of things, I'm not taking this lying down. Yep, I've taken a political stand for the first time in my life and joined a group of protestors. They weren't as hard to find as you might think, either, these folks were right in front of the commune. They must feel strongly about whatever it is they believe in because they've been out front of our building for months now.

Don't be a Ramrod Hurley and bitch me out because I don't know what the group I'm involved with is for or against. I'm too busy protesting to ask questions. Yeah, I guess I could read a sign and find out, if I was really boring and liked wasting my time. I joined a protest group, not a book club. If they're protesting they must be against war, right? So we'll get this war stopped sooner or later. I'm making history and producing social change, folks.

I don't know why there are pictures of Omar Bricks on the signs, but near as I can figure it Omar must have taken some kind of harsh pro-war stance that pisses these dudes off. That's cool, me and Bricks don't have to agree on everything. I just hope our divergent political interests don't keep him from inviting me to luaus in the future, 'cause that guy throws some kick-ass luaus.

I'm not stopping at carrying a sign around in a circle either. I'm going to get my mom out here to carry a sign, too. Sooner or later, right now the timing hasn't worked out well. Most of the protests happen in the daytime, and that's when she watches TV.

Feel our grievances, America. In the shouted words of our radical group: "He must be brought to justice!"

º Last Column: Dad on the Run
º more columns