Quote of the Day
“There ain't no cure for the summertime blues. Or HIV. Boy, AIDS, that must suck. This has been a Public Service Announcement from Eddie Cochran.”
-Eddie CochranFortune 500 Cookie
Look to the stars for guidance: preferably someone who's been in a big movie in the last five years. You will go to the bathroom this week. Don't be fooled by your lack of progress in life: things can still get much worse. This week's lucky gelatin desserts: Jell-O Jigglers, Jell-O Epileptics, Limp Hicks, Greased Piggie Bites, Spineless Weasels, Slime Dogs.
Try again later.Top 5 Ways Bush Could Raise Approval Rating
| 1. | Replace Hugh Jackman in next X-Men sequel |
| 2. | Give out free abortion to pro-choicers on Roe v. Wade anniversary; for pro-lifers, kill convicted criminal |
| 3. | Be seen everywhere with new wheelchair-bound friend |
| 4. | Go on Leno, punch Tom Cruise right in sack |
| 5. | Win war on terrorism, declare war on disagreement next |
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