Quote of the Day
“What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is. Jesus, I'm wasted.”
-Dan QuayleFortune 500 Cookie
Don't stop thinking about tomorrow—we hear if you're late to your own castration they charge double. Anyone can be a hero to a small child, just buy a monster truck and never take your sunglasses off. Try eating more greens: we find it hilarious and it pisses off those asshole golfers. This week's lucky medical procedures not covered by Medicaid: assectomy, therapeutic genital massage, gene therapy for "itchy taint," installation of a second "failsafe" spare heart—baboon or otherwise, and goat removal.
Try again later.Top 5 commune Features This Week
| 1. | Heavy Petting: When Fat People Make Out |
| 2. | Review: Give 'Em Hell, Harry Houdini |
| 3. | Uncle Macho's Pure Stallion Dog Food |
| 4. | Six College Courses for Retards and Sorority Girls |
| 5. | Critics' Corner: Whatever Brad Pitt's in Sucks |
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