Quote of the Day
“Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel. The second to last refuge of the scoundrel is a cave in the Ozarks. Third to last? Under the bed in a four-star hotel in Paris. Fourth? Puns. Puns are the fourth-to-last refuge of the scoundrel.”
-Johnuel SamsonFortune 500 Cookie
Whoever cut your jib, they fucked it all up, dude. Try wearing more spandex this week, your current quantities aren't providing sufficient coverage. Remember: an ounce of prevention is worth an inch of milk-fed veal. This week's lucky pizza restaurant mascots: The Noidette, Little Greaser, Humpy the Pizza Camel, "Cheese Dick" Richard Romano, Lumpy-Thighed Sex Goddess Valotta Ricotta.
Try again later.5 Ways to Spend Your $208 Million Lottery Jackpot
| 1. | Finance own album of you singing Broadway standards; pay people to buy it |
| 2. | Invest heavily in million-dollar ducks |
| 3. | Buy a car for everyone you know, something they could all fit in at once |
| 4. | Spend 208 nights with Demi Moore |
| 5. | Fund grassroots pro-President Bush campaigns |
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