Milestones
1983: Reporter Raoul Dunkin begins down the long road of abandoning teams when things get rough, quitting a dodgeball match due to some minor bone fracturing.Now Hiring
You. Seeking dedicated, hard-working you of moderate intelligence to engage in commune reading, web-surfing, and other you-centered activities. Payment and benefits to be based on experience.Top Reasons for Increased U.S. Ladder-Associated Deaths
| 1. | "Up/Down" directions never specified |
| 2. | Reckless Generation Y refuses to wear protective equipment |
| 3. | Ladder-deaths portrayed so glamorously in the movies |
| 4. | Frequent union strikes by staircases leaving human helpless to descend to higher landings except by already overcrowded ladders |
| 5. | Direct correlation to 50% increase in all-blind-cast productions of Our Town |
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