Quote of the Day
“The Devil finds work for idle hands. It's all part-time clerical work, but the pay is kick-ass. The Devil is no longer hiring for assembly work.”
-Ted's Big Book of BibleFortune 500 Cookie
This week you'll finally get that pot to piss in, but before you start unzipping, we should warn you it's second-hand. Turn on, tune in, and drop out—you've missed too many days in that computer programming class. Look for a bright-eyed Aries to take away all your troubles when she shoots you in the throat. Lucky scams this week: Pyramid, carnival ring toss, Florida voter roll purges, and it's okay, I had a vasectomy.
Try again later.Top 5 Bush Second-Term Pledges
| 1. | Encourage nations to work with us again, under threat of violence |
| 2. | Pay national deficit with Discover and Visa cards |
| 3. | Appeal to black constituents by finally selling off "Amos & Andy" videos |
| 4. | Build new wing of America so rich people can vacation more |
| 5. | Two, maybe even three more inaugurations |
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