Quote of the Day
“What joyous spring, what sylvan glade, alive with growth and life anew, springing forth in buds of nature's splendor, what miracle of- what, it's snowing? Again? FUUUUUCK. I'll be at the pub.”
-Roderick YoungfellowFortune 500 Cookie
You are so ugly, the mere sight of you makes small children give up on life. No twist to that, it just needed to be said. Instead of Band-Aids this week, use bacon. Everybody loves bacon. The only cure for breath like yours is the Hemmingway solution. This week's lucky haiku: Luke Luck licks dykes, Luke's dick sticks Mikes, Mike's wife knifes like OJ.
Try again later.Top 5 Reasons There's No Way That Asshole Can Win the Republican Nomination
| 1. | Too crazy/not crazy enough/not the right kind of crazy |
| 2. | Makes swing voters shit blood at the sound of his/her name |
| 3. | Once snorted cocaine off the belly of an underage Thai hooker who believes in big government |
| 4. | Has been photographed not trying to kill Obama with their bare hands |
| 5. | Can read |
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