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02/16/26   
Not really trying since 2001


Milestones
1993: Ivan Nacutchacokov/Ivana Folger-Balzac honeymoon ends in stalemate.
Now Hiring
Patsy. Must be willing to take the fall for numerous state and federal offenses. Should bear a passing resemblance to Red Bagel, Omar Bricks or Rok Finger. Immunity to electrocution a plus.
Least Popular April Fools' Pranks
1.Entire world repopulated with talking dogs while you slept
2.Autistic cousin did your taxes for you, but it turns out he's a music savant
3.You're CNN's Kidnapper of the Week!
4.Woke up covered in 200 glued-on toupees
5.Anal rape