Milestones
1996: Red Bagel fires entire commune staff during "Crazy Bagel's Everything Must Go Liquidation Madness" phase of the commune's August Sale-abration. Analysts praise Bagel for ridding his staff of junkies and losers, who he promptly replaces with the current batch of junkies and losers.Now Hiring
Bloodhound. Needed to track down former commune staffer Smilin' Jack Costello, who disappeared in May, still owing $8 to the office petty cash fund. Smart dog needed who is not fooled by turbans or overly distracted by running foxes. Generous wages to be paid in beef kidneys. John McCain's Most Ill-Conceived Jokes
| 1. | Trick "Good for One Free House-Cleaning" coupon he gives to homeless that looks like $100 bill |
| 2. | Open letter to Crocodile Hunter widow Terri Irwin inviting her to spend the night with a "real man" |
| 3. | "I fully and unequivocably support the rights of homosexuals. Nah, just kidding. That shit makes me throw up." |
| 4. | Wearing hole-filled NASA sweatshirt to press conference Saturday |
| 5. | Big "I have cancer" gag in 2000 election |
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