Milestones
1979: A young Omar Bricks writes the first incarnation of what will eventually become his "My Friend Polio" column, originally titled "Why I Peed in the Water Fountain."Now Hiring
Web Site Designer. Must have little to no professional experience, critical eye, delusions of grandeur, and think every current website sucks big ass compared to own Helmet fan page with FAQ. Starting pay of $90k to $250k, based on sheer swagger. Position will replace current asshole Neal, who should be finding out about this… just about… now. 5 Phrases Guaranteed to Get You Slapped
| 1. | My testicles feel funny. Do they feel funny to you? |
| 2. | You're very pretty. For a man, I mean. |
| 3. | Why don't you go back to the kitchen and sit on this egg until it's hatched, bitch. |
| 4. | If anyone wants to suck my cock, laugh awkwardly. |
| 5. | Our greatest mistake as a country was fighting to keep Texas (Texas only) |
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