Quote of the Day
“Love is blindness, deafness, muteness, retardation, spinal bifida, shingles, crotch rot, Alzheimer's, malaria, gout, rubella…”
-Doctor LoveFortune 500 Cookie
Don't spit, shit, or knit into the wind this week; as a matter of fact—stay out of the wind entirely. And those gibberish Mariachi lyrics you've been humming for the last three years—time to give that a rest. You will be mortified this week to discover that the family camping trips you've been repressing since childhood were the inspiration for Brokeback Mountain, and that you're not actually related to your uncle Phil. This week's lucky colas: Mister Flat, Diet Riot, Vanilla RBX174, Buurp, Cherry Fairy, PreP, Pepsi-dAC.
Try again later.Top Signs You May Be Obese
| 1. | File footage of your last beach trip keeps turning up on evening news "Obesity in America" segments |
| 2. | Telemarketers disgusted by sounds of your constant eating |
| 3. | Farm animals instinctively panic in your presence |
| 4. | Buffet mysteriously closed no matter when you arrive |
| 5. | You stopped for a snack in the middle of reading this list |
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