Okay, is Time for Fighting Crime

Being Hobo Boris is not all times good like horse cream and lollipop. Yes, Boris does sing song about good part of this life, but also there is more pieces to the Reese's. Sometimes is pain in ass like sitting on dead porcupine or also live porcupine. There is hard things like always finding place to pee, or for sleeping. Best this is not same place, tip from Boris. But sleeping place is sometimes biggest asspain to find, this is truth.

Boris does try sleeping in airport, but persons doesn't not believe Hoboris is flying to Homeland with no suitcase and pants who does not cover ass. So sad, goodbye airport and free TV with no sounds. Next Boris does try Laundromat, but this good sleeping idea goes to shits when person does throw wet clothes on Boris and turn on spinning pain machine. Boris does scream goodbye to this Laundromat. Boris also does try sleeping at hospital, but doctor persons are smart to see Boris not really having missing arm, is just tucked in shirt like trick.

Finally good idea come into Boris brain after wander into movie theater to see movie about Boris cousin who does live in airport long time. So funny and good to see. But words at end so boring Boris does fall asleep and wake up when place is all closed and dark. Eurkel! This is brilliant smart place for Boris to live! There is bathroom thing and grocery store with popcorn and hot dog to eat. Hooray for genius Boris!

But this all change quick fast next day when Boris wake up and there is movie on thing about hero with bug powers. So interesting, this Spiderguy thing. Boris does love this so much is decided to fight crime from now on using special Boris bug powers.

After trying to climb wall of movie theater and falling into big trash caddy, is realize Boris does not have powers of this bug thing.

Boris does think about this, to find what bug does have Boris powers. After looking around place for few days, is learned that Boris doesn't not have strong like ant, or flying power like fly. Boris can buzz but this is wrong power to have from fly. Boris can't not suck the blood like mosquito unless persons is already hurt bleeding, and even this causes big fight misunderstanding. Pretty sure Boris doesn't not have earthworm cut-in-half-makes-two-earthworm power. Don't not think so. Boris also doesn't not have bravery power of bee to find out if him has earthworm powers, so sad.

But after big looking Boris does finally find bug with special Boris powers: is Potato Bug. You know this things? Is bug so ugly and slow, is like tiny dinosaur monster, so funny. Potato Bug can't not do any special things but no persons or dogs does make trouble because thing is so ugly and scary thing. This is power for Boris to have. After weeks of being Hobo Boris, dirty and ugly skill grow so powerful is scary. No person wants to messing with Boris or sit in same room with window closed.

So this is answer to how Boris is to become crime-fighting super thing. All persons will cheer for Potato-Boris and his way of scaring away criminal with unpleasant appearance powers. Now last trick is to find crime for the stopping. Boris not so sure how to do this thing. Is easy when Boris is at commune office, so much bad thing happen there. But now Boris must wait for persons to stop being so nice all times before can reveal secret hero identity.

Yay for waiting!

Hello is Hobo
Hello, fans. Boris is being here. Welcome to thing that is fun times on road with Boris person, who is I. So much stories to tell of fun railroad hobo life, where is the beginning? First thing, many Boris reader probably wondering "How Boris? How... (5/31/04)

Indian Boris Doesn't Not Know How
Hello persons holy shits. So much to tell of Boris story, no times for kidding words. So sorry, but Boris will put in funny jokes times two in next time column. Story does start with Boris living wild life thing on road with Angels from Hell... (4/5/04)

Flies is Like Eagle in Future
Hello reading man, is Boris is here. So many thing to tell about Boris life, and so not much space on postcard. Read slow, and Boris will try to fit in many thing. First funny thing that happens is about Boris friend of bird. One day, Boris is... (1/26/04)

Hello from Road
Hello, computer persons. Boris is here from road. Boris think life is big adventure thing with mystery chocolates, like Andy Gump person does says. So true like fortunate cookie. But Boris is allergic to chocolates, so Boris life is like big box of... (12/22/03)