04/26/25
It's like God... with almonds
|  Volume 53  October 13, 2003 Dear commune:Would the commune eat me, if I had a body made of cake? You don’t know that it isn’t. Would the commune lick the frosting off my buttercup? That doesn’t mean you’re gay. Just that you like cake! And who doesn’t like cake? C’mon. Wenzel Spitz Olander, ME Dear Wenzel: Barf. Gag. Retch. Seriously. If we here at the commune ever eat cake again, it’ll be because we forgot your letter. Jesus. the commune Dear commune: My car makes a noise like this when I turn left: "GrraaaGrraaaaGraaaaaang!!" What the fuck? Bruce Shimer Slomo, KS Dear Bruce: Allow us to answer your question with another question: The commune staff talks in a hilarious huckleberry accent whenever they read your letter aloud. What the fuck? the commune Dear commune: I thought Battlefield Earth was pretty good, but a little long. Seriously, I thought that middle part would never end. That thing dragged like a dead hooker. Anyway, is it true what I heard that the movie was actually a sequel to The Dark Crystal? I didn’t know Jim Henson was a Cosmotologist, but I guess that would explain that freaky Fraggle Rock show. Crazy. Anyway, see you later. Ed Pamela Digmont, MN Dear Ed: Thanks for keeping in touch. Hope all is well with the wife and kids. Hey, remember that part in UHF when that Chinese guy was like "You so stupid!"? That was pretty funny. Take it easy. the commune Editor’s Note: the commune is not responsible for anyone who failed a history test because they confused former president Grover Cleveland with the purple Muppet, also named Grover. We’ve taken the heat for that nonsense for way too long. Quote of the Day“Love, love will tear us apart again. So quit telling those jocks we both like it in the butt.”-Joy Divinski Fortune 500 CookieYou will spend so much time with your foot in your mouth this week, people will mistake it for performance art. Beat the living shit out of the first person who calls you "buddy" today—best to nip that shit in the bud. Your only remaining shot at true happiness now is joining a cult or getting hooked on heroin: your call. This week's lucky midgets: "Stretch" Svorsded, Suitcase Mike, Jimmy "Dogslapper" McVaughn, Upskirt Kilgore, Ross "The Toss" Ramstein.Try again later. Last 5 Places Saddam Hussein Was Hiding
 Volume 52 Dear commune: You ever notice how people are really nice to you when they’re trying to get into your pants? I’m serious, it makes a huge difference. I used to think that men were just a lot nicer than women, who sometimes can seem like a bunch... (9/29/03) Volume 51 Dear commune: Just a thought, but it strikes me that commune readers never really got to hear how the commune and its staff were affected by the 9/11 attacks. Since your offices are located in NYC, it must have had some kind of impact, right?... (9/15/03) Volume 50 Dear commune: How come we don’t have no national holidays for stuff that’s happened while I was alive? Was the past so great we’ve really got to be celebrating that junk all the time? Gimmie a break. I don’t even like the president, what am... (9/1/03)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.