Life Has Lemons for Boris

September 29, 2003

It all start when Boris goes to store and get lemons.

Boris is telling Louis story about is sad that kids on block like to throw eggs at Boris when him is walking Similar to Skippy dog, and Boris is too slow to catch egg presents and make into food or Easter toys. Instead, eggs does hit Boris and make mess on fur hat Similar to Skippy does wear. And Similar to Skippy does pee when hit by eggs, this is his dog defense. So is such a big sad mess.

Louis say when life give you lemons you shut up and make lemonades. Is good idea, but Boris life does not give lemons, does give to Boris eggs. And eggs no good for drinking when stuck on wall or dry in dog's fur hat.

Life does also give to Boris lint. But lint is so hard to make into drink. One time Boris does try but Louis say drink is like milkshake from Dracula's ass. No good.

So Boris must buy some lemons from life like vowel on Wheel of Fortunes to do this thing, to make drink from bad things like Louis does say.

First part is to find out where person sells lemons, this is hard part. Lesson one is, persons does not sell lemons at store for buying trees. So strange! But no lemons here. Also no lemons at tennis ball store.

Finally person does tell Boris to go to supermarket for buying lemons. Do not worry; they will let Boris inside even if he is not super. Even plain Boris can shop at this place, good surprise. No more need to wear disguise.

But even at this super place is hard to find lemons. First Boris looks next to sour cream, but things at supermarket not in order of taste. There is fruit right next to sardines, so different. Not even gummy sardine, real fish kinds. Also, supermarket not in order of alphabet, lemons not near Lysol. Lemon-smelling Lysol is here, but Boris think this probably make ass-bad lemonades.

Finally Boris does find lemons, is next to peaches and orangutans. So silly, Boris did not know that things is in order of shape at supermarket. Boris should think of this simple thing!

Boris does take as many lemons as will fit in pants, and is going to say thank you to man in bib when look out, there is magic thing! Is magic little lemons in package from future, made by magic future persons called Sour Patch Kids. Is like Back to Future movie with little magic pizza that does become big, so cool this thing. Is so much better than stupid big Boris lemons that take up so many pockets and fall down legs of pants to make persons laugh.

Boris gets these things instead and kicks big stupid lemons out of pants. Now we are talking about lemonade.

At home, Boris does make lemonade with lemons from Boris magic life. And of course does share first glass with friend Louis, who likes this so much he does scream so all persons can come try magic lemonade. Louis does fall out of chair and scream is so sour, so sour he would kill Boris if him was not so blind from sour lemonade. Is so good like motherfucker, Louis love this stuff. Louis does love so much he wants to give rest to man who keyed Louis car. This is nice making-up thing to do to become friends, Boris thinks.

And Louis can have rest of glass okay, because smell of special lemonade does make Boris teeth hurt and eyes sting. Lemonade of Boris life is so good to make persons dizzy and dog afraid, best to get it out of doors for all world to enjoy.

Milestones

1978: Griswald Dreck's landmark third grade report "George Washington: Star of the Negro Leagues" creates a fervor in the classroom, leading to the firing of third grade teacher Anais Brockmiller and a thorough review of the state's history textbooks.

Now Hiring

Eunuch. No job really, just sit around and answer questions about what it's like to be a eunuch. Maybe take a blow to the groin to no effect every once in a while to impress office visitors and guests. Talking in a Mickey Mouse voice might be kinda funny too.

Top Enduring 2004 Election Scandals

1.	Bush didn't really win; they forgot to count the comatose vote
2.	Identical twins voted twice, ignoring "1 Face, 1 Vote" principle
3.	Every 13th vote discarded as "unlucky"
4.	Too many precincts used antiquated paper ballots
5.	Too many precincts used newfangled electric voting machines
6.	10,000 Florida voters cast ballots for dead man: John Kerry
7.	Too many military absentee ballots were marked for Bush: Now that's just stupid
8.	No paper trail for southern state "applause-o-meter" polling technique
9.	Oh sweet Jesus, Bush really won!
10.	Eskimos kept away from polls by sheer geography

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