In Matrix is Boris

May 26, 2003

Hello to all readers. Or do readers say hello to Boris? Boris is all upside turned down by Matrix movie, which is too far out for Louis.

Friend Louis take Boris to see Matrix movie on condition Boris pay for ticket then go in exit door Louis hold open. Matrix is movie for kicking ass! To see movie so good as Matrix in Homeland Boris must get kicked in head by moving truck.

Matrix is top filmed action, starring cop who rides exploding bus. Cop is fantastic kung fu fighter even though not real actor, but still punches and kicks many of the same man. Over and over kung fu bus cop fight everyone in movie, to make happy audience. Even fight woman friend wearing no clothes, but audience do not see big fight finish. Must be for next Matrix!

Best part of Matrix is the smartness. Boris is easily stumped by old persons in movie who point to door and say door is not really there. Always Boris asks Louis why old persons can't not make up mind if door is door or not door and young kids in front row tell Boris to shut up mouth or to begin choking. Louis is strange and like to see old persons fucking Louis in ear.

After movie Louis is trying to tell movie story to Boris so Boris can enjoy movie after over. Kung fu cop is man who gets trapped in computers, like Boris when sticking fingers into disk drive hole, but for whole body. In computer kung fu cop must kick ass of everyone to break computer and helping out of other friends to freedom. Then all friends go to disco planet where the naked persons listen to electronic robot music.

Movie is best when making Boris think. Louis point to old persons talking because is moment to make audience smarter. Old persons ask question to kung fu cop, is you Matrix? Or is Matrix just like tiny dot on pinhead, as say Louis? All world is only trick of light like magic show and Boris only think Boris is taking shit when Boris is really in computer where shitting isn't not possible. Is circle in circle and wheel within wheel, like Jim Fucking Morrison preacher Louis love.

Shitting is crazy, Louis is right. Like when Boris and Louis watch Memento movie and stupid man always forget what happened in movie. Forgetting man shoots cartoon friend who is alive again later but is not angry because cartoon friend knows forgetting man is crazy fool. Also is movie where Louis want to see persons fucking Boris in the ear.

To Boris, Matrix is best when men jump too high and is so funny. Woman jumping in air for camera up close to naughty bits also give Boris funny sexy feeling. For fighting and sexy shiny clothes Boris is two thumbs inside Matrix. As movie for fucking in ear, Boris give to Matrix finger. Not as good as thumbs.

For Boris war movie is much better, for funny and for making everyone hate talking French persons. Is always on TV for free and not take Boris money for watching. Still not as good Wild Wild West where black cowboy raps and fights giant spider. Louis love black cowboy motherfucker but say movie is taking shit. Boris like Wild Wild West very much for fighting and loud music and blowing up houses and very glad they didn't not hurt cowboy for being black. Black cowboy is like Louis and white man is like Boris, very white, and both are good friends. Movie is like real life, no matter what Matrix say.

Quote of the Day

“Impartiality is a pompous name for indifference, which is an elegant name for Cletus, my inbred asscrack of a neighbor about whom I am far from indifferent.”

-CK Festerchild

Fortune 500 Cookie

You wir find gleat rove in an ord flend. That's not an accented translation; you just have a really weird fortune this week. It's time to face the facts, or at least the facts of life: even if you manage to get that face you drew on your hand pregnant, it's just going to be one more mouth to feed. This week's lucky ringtones: Hangin' Tough, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Two Princes, Kokomo.

Try again later.

Top Five Worst Things to Hear in an Iraqi Prison

1.	"Oh, wow! Hold still, let me get my camera!"
2.	"From now on, the conduct of corrections officers will be supervised by Private Pyle."
3.	"Looks like we're going to be here a while. Good thing I brought my harmonica."
4.	"These tattoos? Aryan Brotherhood."
5.	"And another thingâ€”you jokers have cried 'Rape!' once too often. I'm not falling for it anymore."

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