Isaac DePlane

January 20, 2003

Isaac DePlane took off his brain
as it had grown heavy
and his neck was tired.
All filled up with stats
and soluble fats
his poor peachy brain became mired.

"Catch you later, bitch!"
he hucked his brain in a ditch
and he felt wonderfully lightheaded.
Until his eye began to twitch
as he felt a phantom itch
and he forgot about where he was headed.

He wandered into a gas station
and like a mad animation
he drank down three pints of unleaded.
He screamed out names of soups
as he ran 'round in loops
like a chicken very recently beheaded.

Isaac DePlane rode a tugboat to Maine
where he took off his pants in a hurry.
And parading through town
in a homemade mackerel crown
he told folks "They're not live, don't worry."

Speaking of fish
made him hungry and wish
he was eating a salmon-stuffed taco.
But the townspeople were quick
to tire of his shtick
and they made him call his brother Rocco.

He came with their cousin Dino
in a rusty El Camino
and took Isaac to go find his brain.
When they did, Isaac cried
since someone pissed on one side
and it had been left out in the rain.

But in the end he was pleased
he no longer shit when he sneezed
and now things didn't all taste like dreck.

Though in a week he complained
about being so inconveniently brained
and the unbearable strain on his neck.

Quote of the Day

“We have nothing to fear but Fear itself. Fear is, of course, my rabid pit bull infected with the plague.”

-Franklin de Roosevelt

Fortune 500 Cookie

A watched pot never boils, and rust never sleeps. Doubt every instinct this week. A friend says sugar cookies turn you queer, for real. Lucky numbers 10, 10, 32, and 1.

Try again later.

Top Things Overheard at Your High School Reunion

1.	"Oh My Godâ€”you haven't changed your clothes a bit!"
2.	"I haven't seen you since the date rape."
3.	"Man, were you right about Dishwalla. One-hit wonders."
4.	"Best friends 4-ever, my ass! Where were you at the trial, motherfucker?!?"
5.	"That guy used to be a real dick. Don't let that priest outfit fool you."
6.	"You still owe me four push-ups, wiseguyâ€”don't think I've forgotten."
7.	"Want to dance with me, Charlie? Or is it Charlene now?"
8.	"The old gymnasium still smells like burned fleshâ€”what memories!"
9.	"So tell me why we needed to learn proofs again?"
10.	"Mr. 'Most Likely to Succeed' came into Denny's last night for an application. Revenge, like our soup, is best served cold."

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