![]() Isaac DePlane![]() ![]() January 20, 2003 Isaac DePlane took off his brain
as it had grown heavy and his neck was tired. All filled up with stats and soluble fats his poor peachy brain became mired. "Catch you later, bitch!" he hucked his brain in a ditch and he felt wonderfully lightheaded. Until his eye began to twitch as he felt a phantom itch and he forgot about where he was headed. He wandered into a gas station and like a mad animation he drank down three pints of unleaded. He screamed out names of soups as he ran 'round in loops like a chicken very recently beheaded. Isaac DePlane rode a tugboat to Maine where he took off his pants in a hurry. And parading through town in a homemade mackerel crown he told folks "They're not live, don't worry." Speaking of fish made him hungry and wish he was eating a salmon-stuffed taco. But the townspeople were quick to tire of his shtick and they made him call his brother Rocco. He came with their cousin Dino in a rusty El Camino and took Isaac to go find his brain. When they did, Isaac cried since someone pissed on one side and it had been left out in the rain. But in the end he was pleased he no longer shit when he sneezed and now things didn't all taste like dreck. Though in a week he complained about being so inconveniently brained and the unbearable strain on his neck. ![]() Milestones1961: Cuban immigrant Lazlo Homales buries a small change purse in a remote section of upstate New York. Over 40 years later, commune reporter Ivan Nacutchacokov finds the purse with a metal detector, and—what the crap, two dollars?? Lousy poor immigrants!Now HiringHall Monitor. Duties include asking to see hall passes, looking like an authority figure and keeping the unpopular commune staff members out of the staff lounge. Good grades a plus.Women Other Than Christina Ricci We Want Chained to Our Radiator
![]() Cakes Are for Baking "Cakes are for baking and rakes are for raking," declared Paul Von Nosberg Von Shaking. "Numerous studies have indicated the same thing," he said as he buffed his large amethyst ring. "Ships are for shipping and chips are for chipping,"... (12/23/02) There Was No Way to Tell The tree hopped down from the hill and he dashed through the field. The sun had been peeled and the clouds were as plump as a Chinaman's rump. A squirrel was asleep on a branch, he awoke with a blanch and he turned a stark white when the... (12/9/02) Through the Colon of a Whale A Gonit on a sled races home to his bed through the colon of a whale sleeping on a bed of shale snoring gently, without fail. Through corridors the green sled slid past hooks and nooks where blue snails hid by toreadors who long debated ... (12/9/02) ![]() ![]() ![]() |