Volume 6

Dear commune:

I'm not sure who to ask, but I had a question. When was the
commune founded?

Kenny Myson,
Boston, Massachusetts


Dear Kenny:

That's different for each person. Only you can say when you found it,
and new people are finding it all the time. By the way, the proper
word is "found."

Literacy programs to help adults improve their reading skills are available all over the country. When you're not having fun at the commune, try starting at www.adultliteracy.com.
And thanks for being a commune patron!

the commune

---

Dear commune:

I anticipated trouble answering my question, so I thought I'd re-phrase it in a way that would be less easy to mis-interpret: What year was the commune initiated?

Kenny Myson,
Boston, Massachusetts


Dear Kenny:

We're not sure how you found out about our top-secret initiation ceremony, but we're not happy knowing we have a leak among our collective. Accusations have been tossed back and forth, knife blades have been flashed and threats lobbied. The most obvious source of the leak, to most of us, seems to be Ramon Nootles, but he declares with scenery-chewing fervor that Ted Ted has been out to frame him since the beginning. Quite a shambles our editorial offices are in.

Other than that, we feel confident in saying that each of our staff has been initiated at different times so we can't say specifically when the commune itself was initiated for the answer is different for us all. It started out as nothing more than a stern paddling, but in more recent years our newest reporters have been subjected to a humiliating process of running naked down a corridor of staff members throwing wild punches and flashing blow torches at them. Some don't make it out at all. But those who do are fiercely dedicated to our cause. And when the day comes, the commune will cease reporting the news and start making it. At least that's what Red Bagel says.

Of course, now that you know, we have to kill you to cut off the information leak at its most recent source. Thanks for reading!

the commune

---

Dear commune:

I have anticipated further trouble answering my question so I wanted to clarify: I only want to know what year the first edition of the commune was made available to the public. Other than that, I want to made it very clear I know nothing incriminating. Thanks.

Kenny Myson,
Boston, Massachusetts


Dear Kenny:

You don't know what a relief that is. Whew! Thanks a lot for putting
everybody here at ease.

The first commune was premiered for the public in 1999. Before that the commune was only published in small circles using pamphlets written on the back of previously published pamphlets about the benefits of becoming a Jehovah's Witness.

Thanks for writing!

the commune

---

Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible, we're merely sponsible, and see no reason to repeat ourselves. The guys who write the tiny type for the commune are going on strike starting now. As soon as we finished that sentence. And the one you just read, too. All the sentences you just read, and this one you're reading now, too, so we're on strike... NOW!

Volume 5
Dear commune: I feel a little dumb even asking this, but since the Sept. 11th terrorist attacks I've been plagued in my mind with the same question: Why can't the U.S.A. find Osama bin Laden? He is only one man and Afghanistan is a country smaller... (10/15/01)

Volume 4
Dear commune: Damn. Damn, damn, damn. I just learned the word damn. If there's one thing I hate, commune, it's being limited to hating just one thing. There are so many ugly things out there to hate. Why did it take me so long to learn the word... (10/1/01)

Volume 3
Dear commune: I feel you've gone too far to the extreme once again. "Gun Control" is just another liberal name for over-regulation. Every American is shocked and stunned by the outbreak of violence in the workplace and our schools. Yet I... (9/1/01)

Volume 2
Dear commune: You boys is ate up. I read your shit all the time 'cause I know it's know or be knowed in this universe. You know? My favorite parts is the music reviews where you tell it like it is. Whitney Houston ain't released a good album... (8/1/01)