Volume 3

Dear commune:

I feel you've gone too far to the extreme once again. "Gun Control" is just another liberal name for over-regulation.

Every American is shocked and stunned by the outbreak of violence in the workplace and our schools. Yet I have been labeled everything from a buffoon to a bad American for my belief that it is not gun regulation our country needs, but a stronger moral code.

Most of the gun violence committed in this country is not preventable by new laws or even enforcing those we've got. It is not bad gun owners who are causing these problems, it is those who acquire these guns through crime or taking them from rightful gun owners without their knowledge. Even in the cases where your glorified "seven day waiting period" has passed, a criminal can later steal a weapon from someone justified to carry it and commit a crime.

Safety lock legislation is another savior built up by the left as something the NRA opposes without justification; the fact is, good gun owners will have safety locks or otherwise keep their weapons out of unqualified hands. Regulating the industry to have them is ridiculous. Once again the only blame liberals like the commune can place is that on faceless companies. Regulation is not the answer, nor has it ever been. When will you learn?

Harvey Canter
Whitebury Plains, IL


Mr. Canter:

We at the commune value the freedom of speech and welcome opposing viewpoints. Though we at the commune may not share your opinion, we respect it and take every chance to print your thoughts in this section.

Thank you for your letter.

the commune

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deer
comun

I think you fart. I draw picher you fart!



rusty klein age 7


Mr. Klein age 7:

We at the commune value the freedom of speech and welcome opposing viewpoints. Though we at the commune may not share your opinion, we respect it and take every chance to print your thoughts in this section.

Thank you for your letter.

the commune

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Dear commune:

How can you say you don't like me if you've never tried me? That's not very adult of you.

For years I have helped kids grow in many ways. I'm good for building bones and muscle, I make you strong. You could use a little better than all that junk food, you know? Starving kids would be happy to have me.

Why don't you eat me?

Sincerely,
Broccoli


Broccoli:

The editorial staff dwells very hard on all decisions it makes. After reviewing the position of the commune, we have to say we stand by our previous assertion: "Broccoli? Yeecch!"

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Dear commune:

Can you do this?

Huh? Can you?

Arvid Shane
Comb, Georgia


Mr. Shane:

Do what, you asshole? What is it with you people sometimes?

the commune

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Dear Playboy Advisor:

The other day I dug my old Quadraphonic stereo out and hooked it up, but one of the subwoofers seems to have failed. This is a nightmare. I have a beautiful set up and it's a classic. I dread the thought of trying to replace it, the expense and hassle involved… is there any place I can get information on repairing an old Philips Quadraphonic speaker?

Also, what's the best way to talk my girlfriend into anal sex?

Thanks,

Mitch Lumley
Phoenix, AZ


Mr. Lumley:

We think you may have mailed your letter to the wrong location. But we would highly suggest just taking the top and bottom off and tinkering around with a screwdriver. Keep plugging away at it until it makes noise. Persistence is the key.

And sorry, we don't know anything about fixing speakers.

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Dear commune:

My friends at school are mean. They tell me that there is no Santa Claus and my daddy and mommy lie about Santa. I know there is a Santa, I just know there is. Please tell me the truth, commune… is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia Tucker

Halsbury, Pennsylvania


Dear Virginia:

Yes, Virginia, there is a Satan. He knows when you're sleeping… he knows when you've been bad or good. And soon he'll be coming to your house! Merry Christmas!

the commune

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Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for the content of its editorials, replies, or for proofreading any statements. Neither is the commune responsible for your being overweight, repulsive, or unloved. While we're at it, we had nothing to do with Nazi occupation of Poland either.

Volume 2
Dear commune: You boys is ate up. I read your shit all the time 'cause I know it's know or be knowed in this universe. You know? My favorite parts is the music reviews where you tell it like it is. Whitney Houston ain't released a good album... (8/1/01)

Volume 1
Dear commune: Ed Phillips here again. Just had to let you know you guys were on the right track again with that teenage pregnancy issue. It's an unbelievable epidemic. I've gotten four teenage girls pregnant in the last six months. The problem is... (7/1/01)