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Quote of the Day
“Be always on the phone, so that when the devil calls, he will get your voicemail.”

-St. Jerry
Fortune 500 Cookie
Just because you don't like the message, don't waste your time killing the messenger. John of Lancaster already took care of that for you 500 years ago. New scientific breakthroughs now make it possible to wash your hair while it's still attached to your head: no more tedious cutting and re-attaching with naval knots. Try to remember: Chex are for breakfast, checks are for paying bills. You will mix those up again this week. This week's lucky dogs: Lassie's offspring still living off residuals, all Irish breeds, and the two-legged one-balled variety.


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Least Popular April Fools' Pranks
1.Entire world repopulated with talking dogs while you slept
2.Autistic cousin did your taxes for you, but it turns out he's a music savant
3.You're CNN's Kidnapper of the Week!
4.Woke up covered in 200 glued-on toupees
5.Anal rape
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