Smells like teen spirit, mixed with cat piss
Quote of the Day
“I can't quit you babe… you got me locked into a 24-month exclusive contraaaaact… oh yes you do oh yes you do… your early termination fees are givin' me the blues… I been on hold so long baby now so long now ba-by yeah… I know you're on the line with a-nother man and it's breakin my heeeeart in two…”-Naked Mole Rat Jefferson
Fortune 500 Cookie
You will find true love this week, but you'll return it because it smells funny. Try using words like "adage" and "usage" less frequently; you think it makes you sound smart, everybody else thinks you're turning into Pauly Shore. Don't hesitate to fire blindly into a crowd of strangers this week: hesitation can be deadly. This week's lucky trucks: ice cream, any variety being washed by bikini babes, Gaelic Motors' 4WD Clover, any whose manufacturers don't run commercials claiming they're "like Iraq."Try again later.
Top Scientific Discoveries, Week of 5/21/07
| 1. | People hoarding "Forever" stamps deficient in inflation-understanding genes |
| 2. | Long middle fingers connected to aggressive tendencies in men |
| 3. | Fish oil aids in weight loss by grossing you all the fuck out |
| 4. | Most effective beauty tip for women: Get men drunk |
| 5. | Gay animals choose homosexual lifestyle |
