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May 2, 2011   
That noise inside your skull
homecommune news20,000 Seats Beneath the League with Stan AbernathieOr So You Thought with Red BagelBook RevoltBoris is Gay with Boris UtzovMy Friend Polio with Omar BricksMy Dearest Deidrebane with Carlisle P. ChesterfeldChild Star with Clarissa ColemanThe Best of Joel DickmanNo Shit? with Griswald DreckOne Sane Man with Raoul DunkinEditorial CartoonsFanmail from Some Flounders: Letters to the EditorGiving You the Finger with Rok FingerThe Hanes Identity with Mickey HanesSampson L. Hartwig RemembersShort ‘N’ Sweet with Stan HooperPoop of the Century with Ramrod HurleyAmerican Jesus with Mitch KroegerYou Can’t Win with Alamo CruiseFortune 500 Cookies with Mazie the ChickenManifestos of FunMe Chinese with Ned NedmillerSittin’ Around the Pickle Barrel with Shorty and JeterPoetry CoronerEntertainment Police: Movie and Television ReviewsThis Space for Rent: Guest ColumnistsGlass Ceiling Fan with Thelma ReynoldsClarise Sickhead’s Bedtime StoriesGoddammit! with Ted TedReflections of a Goocher with Stu UmbrageThe World Vs. Homer Vanslykecommune Club with Emil Zender

Osama Bin Laden Killed In the Nick of TimeMay 2, 2011
Washington, D.C.
Courtesy Arista Records
The formerly-alive bin Laden, seen here on the cover of his debut album, 1974's She's Having My Baby
P
resident Obama issued a press conference Sunday night announcing that U.S. public enemy number one and Beard Club for Men Founder Osama bin Laden had been killed during a daring pre-dawn raid on his secret Pakistani lair. Paranoid assholes are awaiting confirmation of this story from a more-reliable source than our nation's leader, who they still claim was born into a family of birth certificate forging criminals in Manila.

Early accounts of the raid are sketchy and entertainingly contradictory. Indications that bin Laden used his wife as a human shield while firing at Navy Seals and spitting out delicious badass puns were countered by later reports that bin Laden only cried like a woman when captured, and the shaky helmet-cam footage of the raid just reminded White House staf...Read more...

The Simple Life: Century Regional Detention Center Resumes ProductionJune 18, 2007
Los Angeles, CA
Junior Bacon
Hilton is seen here exiting the detention center and getting mentally psyched up for a new career as a nineteenth century pub boxer.
T
he early run of hotel heiress and all around well respected young lady Paris Hiton’s highly-anticipated new series The Simple Life: Century Regional Detention Center hit an unexpected blip this week, with Hilton walking off the set of this groundbreaking new creative enterprise. A Hitlon spokesperson cited “creative differences” between Hilton and the detention center officials who are producing the show in conjunction with the Los Angeles County courts.

“When I heard the courts had ordered 23 episodes, I knew this was going to be a big hit,” explained media buttsniff Margo Philsbury. “Talk about a fish out of water! Previous seasons of The Simple Life really failed to go for the gusto like this one did. I mean, Paris Hilton? In jail? Can you just imagi...Read more...


Newsweek Slammed for Not Using That One Picture of Michele Bachmann Where She Doesn't Look Crazy

Netflix Raises Rates 60%, Finally Adds Mama's Family Streaming

Transformers 3 Destroys Norway

Borders Going Out of Business Sale: Everything 75% More Than Anywhere Else



May 30, 2011
Click for Biography

Thank God For Osama Ben Laden

Originally Published in Wah Wah Adult Men’s Magazine, October 1990 issue
A Note From Emil: For all you true commune addicts out there like me, I discovered something fantastic! As you probably know, columnist Rok Finger has had a long and storied career in publishing even before he became a commune staple—so I was delighted to find a stack of old Fingers in a collection of my neighbor’s old Wah Wah Adult Men’s Magazines. Apparently he wrote there for quite some time. So sit back and satisfy yourself with old Finger. I can’t wait to read it myself… it looked surprisingly current, but I’m saving it to read once it’s in print.

Good gentlemen and ladies who read Wah Wah, I’d like you to take a break from your intense visual arousal long enough to talk politics, specifically, the Middle East. You may think everything in the...Read more...

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Quote of the Day
“Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel. The second to last refuge of the scoundrel is a cave in the Ozarks. Third to last? Under the bed in a four-star hotel in Paris. Fourth? Puns. Puns are the fourth-to-last refuge of the scoundrel.”

-Johnuel Samson
Fortune 500 Cookie
Whoever cut your jib, they fucked it all up, dude. Try wearing more spandex this week, your current quantities aren't providing sufficient coverage. Remember: an ounce of prevention is worth an inch of milk-fed veal. This week's lucky pizza restaurant mascots: The Noidette, Little Greaser, Humpy the Pizza Camel, "Cheese Dick" Richard Romano, Lumpy-Thighed Sex Goddess Valotta Ricotta.


Try again later.
Top Racially Insensitive Desserts
1.Mint Jew Lips
2.Negroreos
3.Vanilla Dick
4.Mr. Li's Chocolate Chink Ice Cream
5.The Dirty Spaniard Sundae from Baskin Robbins
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Democrats Celebrate Iraq Funding Bill Reverse-Victory

View Past Columns
BY v.d. whistling
5/21/2007
Harvey Potluck and the Canadian Mystery Dollar
Things had come to an abrupt end the previous year for Harvey Potluck, when he failed to complete his third year at Hogwash Military Academy and Magic Technical School when early sales projections failed to help motivate the book's completion. But since it was published and made a substantial windfall for its publishing house, Harvey decided to return to Hogwash for his fourth year.

He was excited to find himself in the company of his best friends Phil and Persephone as soon as he entered school grounds. The girl threw her arms around him as Phil gave him a very boy-friendly "high five."

"Oh, Harvey! I worried about you so when your last chapter ended with no resolution at all to the plot!" she exclaimed.

"Yes. It's good thing I thought to use the trappin...Read more...