Superbowl Does Kick Balls of Boris

February 7, 2005

Okay. Hello.

Boris is back with so soon new column thing to describe Superbowl! Yay for soon!

But first to tell of how Boris get back to Louis apartment. Boris does go on thing at librarium called Internets to read old Boris column, because this does help Boris remember where does Louis live. And ah yes, Boris remembers. Is across street from old man who is eating soup. So silly to forget! Boris does get bust ticket for fun ride home.

Wait wait, is you heard this song?

Is commune reader know of Boris song, so popular all of times? Holy thing!

Boris does hear at bust station, such surprise. Is normal little dancing song does come on, and Boris is humming thing. Then is scaring Muppet voice Grover does sing so loud "BORIS IS SPIDER!!" So exciting this music. Boris does ask bust driver what is song and him says Who. So Boris asking who is who and oh boy, thing does get so confusing until driver says Boris must get off bust. No timing to argue, just time for Boris to get fuck off and to be walking on road with just small pink packback.

So Boris is walking along road, so hungry and curious about song, when does see magic thing: Russian bologna! Is little bits on road like mystery. Then Boris does remember special Russian bologna trail him did think to leave from bust and chopper when leaving Louis place, so for to follow back home like Han Solo and Greta in children story! So smart is Boris, all times! Person on bust does say Boris is stupid like oak tree for plan, and that bird and coyote does will does eat all bologna first. But, bust person does not know abouts Russian bologna, is so strong to kill most alive thing, so animal does stay away like plague disease, does not touch bologna.

So Boris is walking long times until nice Jesus Freaks does stop to give Boris ride. So many fun song to sing while van does follow Russian bologna trail, and Boris even does get bathtized at gas station water fountain, to keep Boris soul safe from gremlin things. New friends is so fun for ride, until Boris does tell favorite joke:

Boris: Why does elephant paint toenails thing red?

Jesus Freaks: We don't not know.

Boris: So him can to climb in cherry tree and hides from cheetah!

Jesus freaks does say this is dirty joke thing and Boris must get fuck off van. Them is so easy offended, and also doesn't not like Boris to call them Jesus Freaks. Is good thing Boris does not tell joke about what time is when elephant is sitting on fence!

But, does not matter because Boris is here in right town place anyways. Good timing for joke! Now only trick is to find Louis apartment.

Boris is so lost looking for Louis apartment until does see dog thing eating ham sandwiches by big garbage box. You know this thing, big garbage train like giant toy box full of trashs. Dog is by this thing. And then Boris does holy shit realizing thing: Is Similar to Skippy dog! And dog also does holy shit thing like: Is Boris person! And so does run over to Boris, but too fast running makes Similar to Skippy to chuck up ham out of mouth onto Boris, dog is so happy. But is okay. Not first time ham is up of chuck on Boris, not last time.

Similar to Skippy dog does lead Boris back to Louis apartment, which is exact same except for no Louis. Surprise! There is Boris cousin Boguslaw Sadowski! Happy family reunion thing! Boguslaw is so happy to see Boris he does shoot gun in wall next to Boris head. Such good times.

After Boguslaw TV show is over, him does explain about where is Louis. Story thing is that after Boris does disappear, to go on biking adventure and Potato Boris life, Boguslaw does come to find out Boris is gone, and is thinking Louis did eat Boris in meatball sandwich. So Boguslaw and large friends does come to talk to Louis about cement shoes they have for Louis as special present. But Louis doesn't not like presents so him does get fuck off apartment and run away out back window like is Olympics. So Boguslaw is living in apartment now to wait for Louis to come home.

Is such funny story, Boris does laugh until has to pee. Even Similar to Skippy is doing dog laugh thing. So Boris does explain Boris adventure story and how is not in meatballs sandwich. Boguslaw doesn't not think Boris story is as funny, but him does like part about Boris burning down bar to escape Indian cigar job.

So! Boris and cousin Boguslaw does watch Superbowl thing with important spray-can cheese part, and has so much funs. Even Similar to Skippy dog does like spray can cheese on top of dog food. This is best part. Also, game is fun thing. Team does win because of having most dancing girls and must bring them flying turkey thing, because of them is hungry. Is complicated football thing, trust Boris.

Is good to being home. Except Boris cannot leave because of having no key. But Boris anyway is tired of spending time outside apartment. Here is couch close to refrigerator, so good. And Boris does hope robot Louis coming home soon, because apartment is out of milk. Goodbye.

Milestones

1975: Bludney Pludd is born. He didn't make a big deal about it at the time and we're certainly not going to change that tradition now.

Now Hiring

Knife-Thrower. Should be capable of agile manipulation of melee weapons for entertaining stage spectacle, including throwing blades at volunteer Bludney Pludd. No references required, but we will insist on counting fingers.

Top Reasons for Increased U.S. Ladder-Associated Deaths

1.	"Up/Down" directions never specified
2.	Reckless Generation Y refuses to wear protective equipment
3.	Ladder-deaths portrayed so glamorously in the movies
4.	Frequent union strikes by staircases leaving human helpless to descend to higher landings except by already overcrowded ladders
5.	Direct correlation to 50% increase in all-blind-cast productions of Our Town

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