You Don't Know Dickman (Vol. 2)

November 15, 2004

In this special edition, we corresponded with national film critic for Spineless Magazine Joel Dickman to get his take on the current crop of box office treats! Once again, we bring you the ceaseless praise of Joel Dickmanâ€¦

The Incredibles
"It's just plain incredible! The computer graphics are the best ever! The people at Pixar have done it one more time. A heart-warming tale of a family that does the coolest things! Voosh! Voosh! goes the kid! It's incredible!"

Ray
"Love is blind, and so is Ray Charles! Give Jamie Foxx an Oscar, please! Go see Ray"

Alfie
"Jude Law is a wonder to behold in all the films he's been in, and Alfie, too. Law deserves the Oscar! He's so much better in this than Michael Caine was."

Shark Tale
"If you've waited your whole life to see Will Smith as a fish, this is a movie for you! Jack Black made me laugh like I was high! This shark bites!"

Surviving Christmas
"A Christmas movie for anyone who wants to see one! Ben Affleck is hilarious as the character he plays! You'll be telling everyone you barely survived Surviving Christmas!"

Saw
"I saw, saw, saw Saw! This movie scared me until I pissed myself! It's not as bad as everyone's been saying. Carey Elwes completely blows off the screen! Ooo—see Saw!"

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
"Bridget Jones: The edge of funny! Renee Zellweger is positively bloated as Bridget Jones! A sharp, witty, British movieâ€¦ funnier than the first one and better than any other comedy you've seen! It's bloodyâ€¦ bloody good!"

The Polar Express
"Tom Hanks is one of the voices! A children's book that people have read comes to life through the magic of computers. A christmas movie the whole family can enjoy! It's full of great chunks of whimsy and wonder! The action is hot, hot, hot!"

Quote of the Day

“The good die first. Then, the not-so good. Then the ugly. Strike that, the ugly should die first. Can I start again? If there are any good left, don't kill them yet, we've still got some uglies over here.”

-Billiam Swordswart

Fortune 500 Cookie

The next time you give a dog as a gift, why don't you try poking some holes in the cellophane, ay handyman? Here's something to chew on: gum. Remember: you can't hurry love, but you can get your ass in motion when you're blocking the express lane, chunky. This week's lucky ducks: Donald, Daffy, Dontrelle, Fukka.

Try again later.

Least Effective SARS Protective Efforts

1.	Stop breathing
2.	Fire handgun blindly at coughs
3.	Smoking deceased SARS victims
4.	Wave hand, say "Don't go in Toronto! Whew!"
5.	Drinking imported Hong Kong bathwater

You Don't Know Dickman (Vol. 1)
National film critic for Spineless Magazine Joel Dickman is America's most-quoted movie reviewer, and the commune thought we would share some of his best in this syndicated column! Here are some of Dickman's most famous reviewsâ€¦ Saving... (6/14/04)