You Don't Know Dickman (Vol. 2)

November 15, 2004

In this special edition, we corresponded with national film critic for Spineless Magazine Joel Dickman to get his take on the current crop of box office treats! Once again, we bring you the ceaseless praise of Joel Dickmanâ€¦

The Incredibles
"It's just plain incredible! The computer graphics are the best ever! The people at Pixar have done it one more time. A heart-warming tale of a family that does the coolest things! Voosh! Voosh! goes the kid! It's incredible!"

Ray
"Love is blind, and so is Ray Charles! Give Jamie Foxx an Oscar, please! Go see Ray"

Alfie
"Jude Law is a wonder to behold in all the films he's been in, and Alfie, too. Law deserves the Oscar! He's so much better in this than Michael Caine was."

Shark Tale
"If you've waited your whole life to see Will Smith as a fish, this is a movie for you! Jack Black made me laugh like I was high! This shark bites!"

Surviving Christmas
"A Christmas movie for anyone who wants to see one! Ben Affleck is hilarious as the character he plays! You'll be telling everyone you barely survived Surviving Christmas!"

Saw
"I saw, saw, saw Saw! This movie scared me until I pissed myself! It's not as bad as everyone's been saying. Carey Elwes completely blows off the screen! Ooo—see Saw!"

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
"Bridget Jones: The edge of funny! Renee Zellweger is positively bloated as Bridget Jones! A sharp, witty, British movieâ€¦ funnier than the first one and better than any other comedy you've seen! It's bloodyâ€¦ bloody good!"

The Polar Express
"Tom Hanks is one of the voices! A children's book that people have read comes to life through the magic of computers. A christmas movie the whole family can enjoy! It's full of great chunks of whimsy and wonder! The action is hot, hot, hot!"

Milestones

1854: Alfred, Lord TennysonÃs Ã¬Charge of the Light BrigadeÃ® is published, giving Rok Finger a polished piece of poetry to mangle when heÃs drunk.

Now Hiring

Treasury Secretary. Government position, includes benefits, pension, all federal holidays off. Responsibilities include advising on economic policies, having economic policies refused, and taking blame for failed economic policies. Ability to explain massive tax cuts in time of high military spending and unemployment a plus.

Top 5 Bands That Shoulda Been Huge

1.	James and the Giant Bitch
2.	The Throw Ups
3.	Johnny Carson's Sister
4.	Captain Caramel and the Doo Wops
5.	Led Balloon

You Don't Know Dickman (Vol. 1)
National film critic for Spineless Magazine Joel Dickman is America's most-quoted movie reviewer, and the commune thought we would share some of his best in this syndicated column! Here are some of Dickman's most famous reviewsâ€¦ Saving... (6/14/04)