You Don't Know Dickman (Vol. 1)

National film critic for Spineless Magazine Joel Dickman is America's most-quoted movie reviewer, and the commune thought we would share some of his best in this syndicated column! Here are some of Dickman's most famous reviews…
Saving Private Ryan
"The ultimate statement on World War II. You'll leave the theater wishing you had more lives to give for your country. Spielberg is the voice of the World War II generation!"
The Matrix
"Awesome!!! The Gone With the Wind of our time. Keanu Reeves gives the performance of a lifetime as Neo, a man living in a phony reality. And the special effects will boggle your mind!"
Armageddon
"A seat-of-your-pants sci-fi epic! Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck are the best on-screen duo since Robert Redford and Bill Newman. You'll be baffled by the special effects! It's the end of the world as we know it, and it kicks butt!!!"
Entrapment
"The heist film of the decade! Even if some people though the romance between Sean Connery and Catharine Zeta-Jones was a little creepy, I thought it ruled. Catharine Zeta-Jones is hot, hot, hot! An Oscar shoo-in!"
The Rainmaker
"Easily Coppola's best film since The Outsiders. Danny DeVito turns in an unforgettable performance, and Mickey Rourke is in it. Watch for the surprise ending!!!"
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
"Never has one film made me want to be so Greek! I was so hungry I could have eaten up the whole thing! My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a big fat hit!"
Mona Lisa Smile
"A smart film with a golden heart. A Dead Poets Society for the ladies. Julia Roberts is unavoidable!"
Scooby Doo
"Wow!!! A cartoon come alive! This is one film that doesn't go to the dogs! If you're looking for a movie that's brings fun for the whole family, Scooby DOES!"
Insomnia
"You won't catch me sleeping through this movie! Robin Williams is scary!"
Windtalkers
"Nicolas Cage gives the performance of a lifetime as an army guy in charge of a group of Navajo 'codetalkers'! See the most amazing war movie in years… without reservations!"
We Were Soldiers
"Mel Gibson is perfection! A gripping, real tale of the U.S. war in Vietnam, and the soldiers who fought and died for our freedom there. We were awesome."
Pearl Harbor
"A harrowing drama, with real heart—easily the best World War II movie ever made. Ben Affleck is one of the great screen icons of the age. A don't-miss film!!"
The Mummy 2
"Incredible! Magical! Indescribable! Brendan Fraser makes the screen come alive. The Rock is our new cinematic Jesus!"