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The Answer. The Question. The Excuse.
|  Volume 44  June 1, 2003 Dear commune:Aren’t you just tired of all this bullshit? Reggie Shaw Dove Plains, GA Dear Reggie: We know exactly what you’re talking about. Those fussy pricks downstairs at Crochet! magazine need to be put in their goddamned place. First they have the gall to involve the police in our staff’s hallowed Annual Pogo Stick Race semifinals. We here at the commune may be a passionate bunch, given to boisterous arguments and cataclysmic displays of machismo, but we’ve never been unable to resolve our own pogo race photo finish disputes among ourselves. Sure, small-arms fire is sometimes involved, but cooler heads and Russian Roulette always prevail. And speaking of meddling, who are they to say who can and who can’t keep livestock in the building’s common areas? They automatically assume it’s the commune’s goats that have been shitting in the elevator. As if their staff is above suspicion. The pricks. Anyway, thanks for understanding. Sometimes the commune just needs to vent. the commune Editor’s Note: the commune is not responsible for those embarrassing Capri pants all the girls are wearing these days. We’re guessing a sauna mishap was responsible for those ridiculous things. But we do look forward to making snide remarks when we’re looking at photo albums ten years from now, just for the record. Quote of the Day“We'll meet again. You might say that's impossible, since people can only meet once, but they haven't factored in my patented time machine and early-onset Alzheimer's.”-Capt. Don Spacegain, Year 3054 Fortune 500 CookieNow's the perfect time to launch your alternative news website. Thursday's haul proves your friend's theory that the Halloween is really the only lucrative time for trick-or-treating. For your information, he's going to shoot his old woman down 'cause he caught her messing 'round with some other man; you don't need to know everything. Lucky son of a bitch.Try again later. Worst Arguments Used Against Right-to-Die Advocates
 Volume 43 Dear commune: As the old parable goes, "God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt." If truer words were ever spoken, I don’t know them. They probably weren’t spoken to me. What I’m getting at is, my girlfriend is an atheist. As you can imagine,... (5/26/03) Volume 42 Dear commune: Well, she’s all you’d ever want, she’s the kind I’d like to flaunt and take to dinner. She always knows her place, she’s got style, she’s got grace, she’s a winner. She’s a lady. Talking about Ivana Folger-Balzac here.... (5/12/03) Volume 41 Dear commune: You ever get the feeling that someone’s constantly watching you, monitoring your every move, censoring your every word? Like a cold, oppressive hand is closing around your windpipe as you speak? Like every freedom you’ve taken for... (4/28/03)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.