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01/9/25   
The Burning Coal of Wisdom Crammed Inside the Anus of Truth

Fight the Power

bio/email
April 14, 2003
So apparently there's a war of some sort going on. I mean, I knew about it, just like in high school. I knew it was going on, even if I couldn't tell you where it is or who all is involved. Who knew it was going to affect me at any point in time?

Yessir, bob, this war has claimed another victim: My TV show.

I got a call from Dusty last Monday telling me that UPN decided to delay airing Archipelago Law until after the war was over. Like anybody knows when that will be. It won't be before May, at least, and the network won't air the show during sweeps since they can get bigger ratings with Family Matters syndicated re-runs. So I'm up a sewage-heavy creek and not about to paddle with my hands.

This is just like war. When that guy sings what is it good for, hey brother, I hear ya. Every time I'm in a movie there's some war movie that comes out and beats us at the box office or gets higher ratings on the TV. Every time I have a boyfriend and talk him into going to the movies we have to see some stupid war movie, even if it's a mob war or a gang war or some small kind of war movie. And now war is interfering with my big comeback show. Way to go, war.

I'm sure the people of Iraqistan are grateful there's a war going on there, they get all the free publicity they could use and every time we have a war we pay for it afterwards 'cause we're such good sports, but it doesn't help me at all. I don't care what kind of government they have—Republican, Democrat—it's none of my business. But when fuzzy green shots of tanks and missiles and oil fires are airing when I'm supposed to be running around in a grass skirt and coconut bra on the TV, then it's my business.

Unlike a lot of things, I'm not taking this lying down. Yep, I've taken a political stand for the first time in my life and joined a group of protestors. They weren't as hard to find as you might think, either, these folks were right in front of the commune. They must feel strongly about whatever it is they believe in because they've been out front of our building for months now.

Don't be a Ramrod Hurley and bitch me out because I don't know what the group I'm involved with is for or against. I'm too busy protesting to ask questions. Yeah, I guess I could read a sign and find out, if I was really boring and liked wasting my time. I joined a protest group, not a book club. If they're protesting they must be against war, right? So we'll get this war stopped sooner or later. I'm making history and producing social change, folks.

I don't know why there are pictures of Omar Bricks on the signs, but near as I can figure it Omar must have taken some kind of harsh pro-war stance that pisses these dudes off. That's cool, me and Bricks don't have to agree on everything. I just hope our divergent political interests don't keep him from inviting me to luaus in the future, 'cause that guy throws some kick-ass luaus.

I'm not stopping at carrying a sign around in a circle either. I'm going to get my mom out here to carry a sign, too. Sooner or later, right now the timing hasn't worked out well. Most of the protests happen in the daytime, and that's when she watches TV.

Feel our grievances, America. In the shouted words of our radical group: "He must be brought to justice!"


Milestones
1858: 26th president and idol of Red Bagel Teddy Roosevelt is born, only a month before Bagel's birth. We know technically this is impossible, but we didn't get cushy date-checking jobs by questioning the big man.
Now Hiring
Bounced Czech. Resume and references not necessary, any Czechoslovakian expatriate thrown out of a club will do. True, we don't really have any job for such a person to occupy, but wouldn't it be funny to say we have a bounced Czech on staff? Think about it.
Top commune New Year's Resolutions
1.Breakfast with Bagel
2.Boris. Proper English. 'Nuff Said.
3.Convince Ramrod Hurley that picture of Nelson Rockefeller has no religious significance
4.One news story with a verified fact in it
5.Finally finish off Ivan Nacutchacokov
Archives
Dad on the Run
So it's no surprise, everybody's been talking about the same thing for two weeks now: My dad broke out of jail. It's high time I gave everybody the facts to stop these vicious rumors. Okay, for one, yes, he broke out, but my mom had already... (3/31/03)

Papa Was a Violent Stone-Thrower
My parents are having a trial separation right now. I think that's the word—what's it called when your dad wallops your mom in the head with a brick and they lock him up? That's what's going on anyhow. It's nothing new for the Coleman clan, but I... (3/17/03)

Flying High with the Pilot
Well, we finished shooting the pilot for Archipelago Law, and on risk of ruining the surprise for everyone, the show's good. It was a pretty tough shoot, since we filmed on location on an uncharted desert isle, but we managed to get all... (3/3/03)

Sister, Can You Spare a Dime?
So I needed some start-up capital, right? Since they shut my lights off and won't start them back up until they get a check. I thought about going to my parents, then I remembered they have no money and would make me do chores or something for it... (2/17/03)

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