Uniform Tab

"Over 250 million servile."

I'm supplementing my income with work lately. Or like my landlord said, supplying my income with work. Either way it's nice to finally have an income.

It all started when the landlord showed up knocking on my door before 4 p.m., waking me up and getting all in my face about the rent. I told him he was doing the same thing last month and he gets pissed and says I never gave him the rent. I showed him my receipt but he wanted a receipt that he had signed or made in some way, so I guess he's pretty swift on the uptake.

If you're like me and never had a job before, I don't recommend it. You basically go into this place and they get to totally tell you what to do and you have to do it. It really stinks. If you tell them they should jump sideways up your ass then they give you demerits or something, you get in trouble and if it happens again they won't give you any money.

At my job everybody has to dress the same so they know you work there. I don't know why, anybody who's ever been to a McDonald's knows the guys on the kitchen side of the counter work there and the guys on the other side are there to buy food. I wouldn't think if they didn't have the uniforms the customers would be poking around the kitchen dressing their own burgers, it's not as much fun as it looks, really.

The place is practically under surveillance, too, so don't try to pull a fast one. They count the money in the cash drawers, they keep track of all the food stock in the back, and if a customer doesn't get a meat patty on the burger they're probably going to complain and you'll just get in trouble for eating their food. They have a form they write you up with for that.

The real scam is they don't even pay you at the end of the day. You have to wait a couple weeks for your check to come in—yeah, they pay you with check. As soon as I found that out I had to give them my real name, that's another part of the scam. Now if you walk off some of the equipment they can just look you up in the phone book and show up at your house with the cops.

I hate the place. I'm going to save up my money, though, and open up a competing place across the street from them. And they won't be able to compete because I'm going to stock everything and if a customer asks for anything, anything at all, I'll have it and cook it for them. Or better yet, hire some guys and pay them every six months and then fire them before they get their checks so I never have to actually pay anyone. Alamo's will be the top place to get an Alamo Roast with Alamo Scalloped Potatoes and an Alamo Tab to drink.

Maybe I'll save on refrigerators and stock by having customers bring in their own food. It's B.Y.O.F. and we'll cook it. People could bring in all sorts of things for us to cook, even if they don't want to eat it. Except for firecrackers and shit that explodes.

Venereal Ice
"Politics makes strange bedfellows, but sheep are surprisingly comfortable." I heard once that you never talk about religion or politics with people, which sounds like a good idea 'cause that way they never know you're an idiot. Oh, they... (3/31/03)

Meat Book
"Read me my rights, pig. Then read me Lady Chatterly's Lover, but just skip to the dirty parts." I read this funny book and I've been telling everybody about it. I haven't read all of it, just parts of it, really. Okay, one part. And... (3/17/03)

Fireworks Club
"I once shot myself in my pajamas!" I've been on a weird sleep schedule for about a month or so. I wake up, stay awake for about 16 hours, then go to sleep, wake up 8 hours later, go to sleep, wake up 9 hours later, stay awake for 6 hours,... (3/3/03)