Fireworks Club

"I once shot myself in my pajamas!"

I've been on a weird sleep schedule for about a month or so. I wake up, stay awake for about 16 hours, then go to sleep, wake up 8 hours later, go to sleep, wake up 9 hours later, stay awake for 6 hours, take a 2-hour nap, wake up for 4 hours, take a long 1-hour blink, sleep for 9 hours, stay awake for a two-hour dinner, then sleep until spring. Actually, I guess it's not all that weird, I just wanted your assurance it was okay.

The nice thing about sleeping a whole lot is sleeping. I'd sleep all day if I didn't need to wake up and piss every other time I need to piss. Those rubber underwear fill up too fast. I tried to get one of those things like they have in the hospitals, one of them—whatcha call it—catheters. But they stick 'em right up your dick. The male nurse mentioned that and I told him "No man takes that route with me!" and laughed. Then he shoved a tube up my dick but it was the wrong kind.

My dreams are wicked cool. A lot of people say that, I bet, but I mean it. My dreams are so cool sometimes they don't let me in. I just dream I'm at the door and try to look in over the bouncer's shoulder and see what's going on in there 'cause it sounds really hot. If I remember to dream I'm wearing a nice jacket and shoes sometimes I get in, but they try to act like it's all quiet in there when I show up. I can hear fucking and dancing and giant fireworks explosions all the time when I'm outside, but when I get in there they just slow dance. Stupid dream people.

Freud said dreams are the mind's way of working out the things our subconscious ain't ready to deal with. So my subconscious isn't ready to deal with fireworks and nasty threesomes and my dreams aren't ready to let me in on them either, the fuckers. I think Freud said it. Actually, it's Froid, that's how he spells it on the mailbox anyway. He keeps stealing my newspaper, too. Ever since I told that prick my dreams he's been setting off fireworks and having sex in his place and I can hear him through the walls, but he won't let come over and he just says it's the TV.

I like to sleep in the nude. I know some people don't like it, but fuck them, I can do what I want in my bedroom, according to the judge. I can't take naps at the commune offices anymore, but it seemed like a fair bargain at the time. And now I can work from home.

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