Volume 34

January 20, 2003

Dear commune:

The commune's support of Bush's war on Iraq is absurd, unconscionable, indefensible, illogical, unforgivable, indigestible, uncharacteristic, reprehensible, unpardonable, unfathomable, incestual, reversible, unilateral, pink-assed unicycle bullshit. How can your organization support such an obviously wrong-headed military action that is nothing more than a thinly disguised play for cheaper oil mixed with revenge for the attempted assassination of George Bush Sr. in Kuwait in 1993? Frankly, I expected more from the commune. I'm not sure why, but I did.

Sincerely,

Gromer P. Slyde
Velmont, NM

Dear Gromer:

As fun as it was to receive your letter and the accompanying diagrams, we're sorry to say it was merely the product of an honest misunderstanding. When we said that the commune supports "Bush's War," we meant Bush's war on the English language. Not the one with Iraq. We should have been more clear, as we of all people know it's easy to get Bush's many personal vendettas mixed up. We'd also like to make it clear at this time that we were not referring to Bush's wars on the environment, terrorism, the popular vote, business ethics, the poor, the U.N., the international community, snack foods, that goofy fucker over in North Korea or Chinese finger traps. Thanks.

the commune

Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for the decline in McDonalds' profits, we merely suggested that the McRatburger may not be 100% kosher.

Quote of the Day

“All the world's a stage, and unfortunately everyone's doing improv and they think they're so fucking funny. But you know what? LAME.”

-Bill Shacksperd

Fortune 500 Cookie

Top dentists all agree: You need teeth, so in short, allow the gargantuan redneck arguing over who did that "Life is a Highway" song to win the disagreement. Sometimes life feels like a TV show, and this week it feels like Red Shoe Diariesâ€”the nudity is all too brief and all your sex will be simulated. Taste taser, motherfucker. Lucky moods are alright, not too bad/you?, feelin' frisky, and I seriously can't go on living no more.

Try again later.

Most Feared Cancers

1.	Expensive Pet Cancer
2.	Smellanoma
3.	Cancer of the Ugly
4.	Cancer of the Girlfriend's Tits
5.	Whatever Strom Thurmond Has

Volume 33
Dear commune: What the hell is Damon Wayans doing on Delta's in-flight video? Did he bitch-slap the president and get some kind of harsh community service sentence or something? Damn. Peace. Rodney Shue Belmont, LA Dear Rodney: ... (1/6/03)

Volume 32
Dear commune: I'm always fascinated by cultures different from our own. It's nice to know that some things are universalâ€”like smiles. Everyone smiles, in every place on the earth! Isn't that cool? Another thing is Santa Claus. Sure, we don't... (12/23/02)

Volume 31
Dear commune: My name is Kent and I am 8 years old. I am doing a biography on President George W. Bush and I would like to know all about him. Please tell me everything about him, like where was he born, how did he become president, and what does... (12/9/02)