Volume 34

January 20, 2003

Dear commune:

The commune's support of Bush's war on Iraq is absurd, unconscionable, indefensible, illogical, unforgivable, indigestible, uncharacteristic, reprehensible, unpardonable, unfathomable, incestual, reversible, unilateral, pink-assed unicycle bullshit. How can your organization support such an obviously wrong-headed military action that is nothing more than a thinly disguised play for cheaper oil mixed with revenge for the attempted assassination of George Bush Sr. in Kuwait in 1993? Frankly, I expected more from the commune. I'm not sure why, but I did.

Sincerely,

Gromer P. Slyde
Velmont, NM

Dear Gromer:

As fun as it was to receive your letter and the accompanying diagrams, we're sorry to say it was merely the product of an honest misunderstanding. When we said that the commune supports "Bush's War," we meant Bush's war on the English language. Not the one with Iraq. We should have been more clear, as we of all people know it's easy to get Bush's many personal vendettas mixed up. We'd also like to make it clear at this time that we were not referring to Bush's wars on the environment, terrorism, the popular vote, business ethics, the poor, the U.N., the international community, snack foods, that goofy fucker over in North Korea or Chinese finger traps. Thanks.

the commune

Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for the decline in McDonalds' profits, we merely suggested that the McRatburger may not be 100% kosher.

Milestones

2002: Office prick and former Acting-Editor Ramrod Hurley successfully turns 30, leading us on an endless week-long binge of bitching, moaning, and strange acts of vandalism we hope not to repeat this year.

Now Hiring

Big Fat Patsy. 'Cause we're not taking the rap for this, see. We must look like a real all-day sucker to you, yeah, a sucker, with a big fat wrapper. Boy, should we have seen it coming! Played like a two-bit piano from day one. Backstabbing dames need not apply.

Last 5 Places Saddam Hussein Was Hiding

1.	One of several elaborate underground tunnels theorized during first Gulf War
2.	Baghdad Denny's, open 24 hours, breakfast anytime
3.	Foreign film section of Alabama Blockbuster
4.	Baby's momma house
5.	Don Imus

Volume 33
Dear commune: What the hell is Damon Wayans doing on Delta's in-flight video? Did he bitch-slap the president and get some kind of harsh community service sentence or something? Damn. Peace. Rodney Shue Belmont, LA Dear Rodney: ... (1/6/03)

Volume 32
Dear commune: I'm always fascinated by cultures different from our own. It's nice to know that some things are universalâ€”like smiles. Everyone smiles, in every place on the earth! Isn't that cool? Another thing is Santa Claus. Sure, we don't... (12/23/02)

Volume 31
Dear commune: My name is Kent and I am 8 years old. I am doing a biography on President George W. Bush and I would like to know all about him. Please tell me everything about him, like where was he born, how did he become president, and what does... (12/9/02)