Volume 30

November 25, 2002

Dear Commune:

You have my phone number. You, the commune. You need to call the phone company and straighten this out. I've had the same phone number for 42 years and I'm NOT about to give it up. Thank you.

Agnes Knutson
Bromade, NJ

Dear Agnes:

We here at the commune are very sorry to hear that your life has become interesting in a way that makes you mildly uncomfortable. Obviously, we'll call the phone company right away and make sure they restore to you the number you've earned by staying in the same miserable place for your entire life. Pssssh! Right! You can stuff it up your ass with the nice old lady act, lady. We here at the commune pay our bills, biiiiatch, and if you see fit to bring your mess all up in our shit again you will be introduced to some mad hurtin'. Damn. Also, tell your withered old biddy friends to stop calling here, they keep kicking us off the Internet.

the commune

Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for anything we got your kids to eat. Lengthy precedent has established that U.S. courts consider a triple dog dare to be legally binding.

Quote of the Day

“A little bad taste is like a dash of paprika. A lot of bad taste, like a grinder full of cayenne pepper. And doing that annoying Cajun guy impression while doing anythingâ€”well, that's just beyond bad taste.”

-Dirty Parkbench

Fortune 500 Cookie

In the annals of history, there has always been one man who laughs uncontrollably whenever someone says "annals"â€”that's your legacy. Turn up the heat this week, 'cause that fucking turkey has been in the oven since Saturday. If you can't beat them, join them, and show them what real losers they are for accepting you into the group. Lucky bastards this week are Tom Monroe, Pete Gelbart, Judy Simon, and that son you're pretty sure is living in Winnipeg now.

Try again later.

Worst Arguments Used Against Right-to-Die Advocates

1.	Can't learn to play fiddle when you're dead
2.	My personal religion goes against it, ergo, you should do what I say
3.	Star Wars III looks like it's going to redeem the series
4.	Probably no afterlife, just a harrowing void of darkness and stillness for eternity
5.	Got a really good feeling things are gonna turn around for you, man

Volume 29
Dear commune: Just writing in to make you privy to the word, dudes. I just rocked the vote today by voting for that righteous fucker Red Bagel for State Assemblyman. True, I'm not exactly sure what a State Assemblyman is supposed to do, but... (11/11/02)

Volume 28
dear commune: you guys rock the block, and I mean that sincerely. sometimes I wish I was a part of the commune staff, participating in wacky hijinx on a daily basis and being the butt of hilarious jokes. also, have you guys ever thought of coming... (10/28/02)

Volume 27
Dear commune: I know her! I know that lady! I do! I know her! That lady, I know her! That lady, Ella Dipthong, the one who did the This Space for Rent column that one week. I know her. I know that lady. Where do I know her from? She's too old to... (10/14/02)