01/11/26
You can't spell 'patriot' without 'a riot'
|  Volume 28  October 28, 2002 dear commune:you guys rock the block, and I mean that sincerely. sometimes I wish I was a part of the commune staff, participating in wacky hijinx on a daily basis and being the butt of hilarious jokes. also, have you guys ever thought of coming out with special edition commune-flavored candy bars? I'd buy them, for sure. sometimes reading the site isn't enough, I really want to eat the commune. just a thought. Loel Lumley Asphalt, NV Dear Loel: Thank you for your kind letter. Knowing we have touched a life so dearly is the fuel that keeps us going here at the commune, like what propane is for a gas-huffing redneck. We appreciate your support and look forward to bringing you your favorite commune features for years to come. That being said, are you fucking retarded or something? I mean, were you dropped on your head before your skull hardened or were you just born this way? Jesus H. Christ riding a dildo-shaped dinosaur, I mean, come on! We've received some stupid suggestions in our day, most of them from our Editor Red Bagel, but we're pretty sure you've just squeezed yours out right on the very top of the shit pile. Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but you've clearly got shit for brains. Thanks again for your letter, and keep reading the commune! the commune Editor's Note: the commune is not responsible for anything that ever happened on a Tuesday. We don't even answer the phones on Tuesday. Tuesday is our "hanging loose" day and if you're not hip to that, well, you can just find yourself a new online best friend. Though if you do decide to go that way, could you wait until Wednesday to let us know about it? Because of Tuesday being, well, you know, and all. Thanks. Quote of the Day“Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you will ever regret. Speak when you are extremely angry and you'll really regret it—all stuttering and shit, like Porky Pig. And they'll just make fun of you. I know I would.”-Ambruce Fierce Fortune 500 CookieStick it where the sun don't shine—that's the only way you'll be sure it glows in the dark. Does this look like medium rare to you? Take it back or there goes your tip. If you could ask God one question, don't make it, "Who farted?" Take a self-time out this week, but don't just waste it by yourself; extract the time itself from the timeline, so you can put it back wherever you want. Lucky legends this week: Sasquatch, the Jersey Devil, Abominable Snowman, and other Bigfoot rip-offs.Try again later. Top 5 Worst Ways to Start a Letter
 Volume 27 Dear commune: I know her! I know that lady! I do! I know her! That lady, I know her! That lady, Ella Dipthong, the one who did the This Space for Rent column that one week. I know her. I know that lady. Where do I know her from? She's too old to... (10/14/02) Volume 26 Dear commune: As big a fan as I am, I have to admit I'm a little disappointed with your news lately. At least as far as conspiracy angles go—Red Bagel is the only reliable source in the country, as far as I'm concerned, him and my pharmacist, and... (9/30/02) Volume 25 Dear commune: By now you realize that your highly coveted and Pulitzer Prize winning reporter, Truman Prudy, is missing. At least we're pretty sure about the Pulitzer Prize part, someone suggested it might actually be a ribbon from the State Fair,... (9/16/02)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.