![]() Toudle-Lou & Toudle-Lee![]() ![]() June 10, 2002 In your travels, should you find
some oddball children, pay no mind. But if you do, and you have learned that they love candy recently turned, it behooves you to flee at once. And don't come back that way for months. For you have wandered to a land forgotten, where the children like their candy rotten. And this might not sound so terribly bad, perhaps only slightly, or only a tad. But I assure you, once I've filled you in, you too will avoid these rotten children! Avoid like the plague or like measles or beets. Avoid them like odd-colored stains on your sheets. Avoid them like murder and dandruff and stink. Avoid them like things moving under the sink. For this is the behavior I would strongly advise unless you'd like a sandwich of mustard and lies. You think I'm kidding? You think this is a joke? Brother, I'm as serious as a mouthful of New Coke! Their loyalty's shifty, their morals are loose. They'd eat the heart out of a chocolate moose. Their bedtime is no time their naptime is "GO!" time, And they have never once heard of "The Answer Is No!" time. They wipe their hands everywhere and belch like fat chickens and after they're done, the buffet is slim pickins. They'll throw a wild tantrum just to pass an afternoon and then hide your car keys on the back of the moon. They're nasty, dastardly, pompous and rude. Oh, did I mention they're sick of Thai food? Their rotten teeth are made to slide out moldy, curdled, rotten lies. They insist its gospel, but otherwise is seen deep within their rotten black eyes. They cheat at hopscotch, they cheat at darts, they have no love for culture or arts. They're dirty, nasty, selfish and mean. They'd sell their own mothers for a black jelly bean. They don't do lemonade stands and they don't mow lawns. They'll ransack your rec room for something to pawn. They'll name a dog kitty and they'll name a cat Rover and they'll watch Disney videos over and over until you scream "That's it! Enough! I am quitting! This is the last time I agree to babysitting!" ![]() Quote of the Day“Love, love will tear us apart again. So quit telling those jocks we both like it in the butt.”-Joy Divinski Fortune 500 CookieYou will spend so much time with your foot in your mouth this week, people will mistake it for performance art. Beat the living shit out of the first person who calls you "buddy" today—best to nip that shit in the bud. Your only remaining shot at true happiness now is joining a cult or getting hooked on heroin: your call. This week's lucky midgets: "Stretch" Svorsded, Suitcase Mike, Jimmy "Dogslapper" McVaughn, Upskirt Kilgore, Ross "The Toss" Ramstein.Try again later. Top 5 commune Features This Week
![]() The Land of Rotten Children In your travels, should you find some oddball children, pay no mind. But if you do, and you have learned that they love candy recently turned, it behooves you to flee at once. And don't come back that way for months. For you have... (6/10/02) Toudle-Lou & Toudle-Lee Toudle-Lou and Toudle-Lee sat in a tree and ate cranberries. That's the way they'd wile away a Thursday in the land of Margoline. Some are fonder of a wander through the woods, while peeling strands of string cheese. But not the Toudles, for them... (5/13/02) Jojo the Imp In the Valley of Sali, beneath a beautiful bridge, lived an Imp named Jojo who dreamed of one day being a construction worker. His daydreams were filled with visions of hardhats and bolt-throwers and rivets shining in the noontime sun. It was a... (4/15/02) ![]() ![]() ![]() |