![]() Hairy Walnutsby E.L. Pout ![]() ![]() July 16, 2001 I fed my cat some hairy walnuts
My poor kitty doesn't like hairy walnuts I forced the cat to eat those nuts and then I watched him puke them up He ran away when he was done and hasn't come back yet I don't think he ever will that stupid cat I never liked him anyway He made me sneeze and he made my eyes itch I used to buy the most expensive food By the time he left I was down to buying hairy walnuts This was back when hairy walnuts were common in every store After a while I starting having a hard time finding them I had to drive to the other side of town to get them just so I could feed my cat hairy walnuts Which the cat hated, of course I don't know where I got the idea to feed the cat hairy walnuts I never tried them myself The cat, of course, hated hairy walnuts I wouldn't shell them I wouldn't even crack them a little The cat had to pry them open himself to get at the nut And the nut itself tastes shitty, so I hear The cat must have had low self esteem I can't imagine why he stuck around all the time I was forcing him to eat hairy walnuts He could have run away at any time He had a little kitty door but every night, there he was waiting for me to feed him, and getting more hairy walnuts Those walnuts sure were hairy I remember trying to shave one once just to see what it would look like It looked like a naked walnut, if you can picture that It didn't look like anything I had ever seen before Unshaven, the hairy walnut looks like a cat's hairball Maybe that's why the cat didn't like eating hairy walnuts Maybe they weren't really hairy walnuts at all Maybe I was just feeding the cat his own hairballs over and over again, every night But how was I buying big bags of my own cat's hairballs in supermarkets all across town? It doesn't make sense unless the cat secretly loved eating his own hairballs so much he worked out a deal with the supermarkets coughing up hairballs for them to bag and shelve just for me to come along and buy so I could feed them to my cat as hairy walnuts What the fuck was that cat thinking? If he liked hairy walnuts so much, why did he run away? I can't make sense of cat thoughts He must have liked eating hairy walnuts or he wouldn't have done all that work to make sure he got them every night, without fail hairy walnuts in his bowl. Quote of the Day“Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel. The second to last refuge of the scoundrel is a cave in the Ozarks. Third to last? Under the bed in a four-star hotel in Paris. Fourth? Puns. Puns are the fourth-to-last refuge of the scoundrel.”-Johnuel Samson Fortune 500 CookieWhoever cut your jib, they fucked it all up, dude. Try wearing more spandex this week, your current quantities aren't providing sufficient coverage. Remember: an ounce of prevention is worth an inch of milk-fed veal. This week's lucky pizza restaurant mascots: The Noidette, Little Greaser, Humpy the Pizza Camel, "Cheese Dick" Richard Romano, Lumpy-Thighed Sex Goddess Valotta Ricotta.Try again later. Top Searches
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