Vase

November 4, 1999

"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."

Quote of the Day

“Na-na-na-na-ne-neh-neh-na-neh-neh-neh-neh-va-va-va-va-va-neh-na-neh-neh-va-va-va-va-va-va-va-neh-va-neh-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-maâ€”nevermind.”

-Stutterin' Tom Tulane

Fortune 500 Cookie

Eight is enough: time to face the fact that you're wearing too many cock rings. Try watching where you vomit this week: it never hurts to make a nice first impression. It says here that once word gets out you ate all those locusts, you'll be beloved in Kansas, and unwelcome everywhere else. This week's lucky germs: floor-funk, spazzolycene3, urinalia-hangaroundicus, wheat, Pat Smear.

Try again later.

Top Puns that Got You Shot

1.	"But waiter, you can't tune a sandwich!"
2.	"If you want to get married some time, give me a ring."
3.	"Arr, you think me cooking be impressive, you should see me pea soup!"
4.	"Come back, man, that's nacho cheese!"
5.	"I play bass for Big Dick and the Trojans, we're a rubber band."