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05/1/26   
Where the customer is always... riiiiight.

Vase

bio/email
November 4, 1999
"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."


Milestones
1961: Cuban immigrant Lazlo Homales buries a small change purse in a remote section of upstate New York. Over 40 years later, commune reporter Ivan Nacutchacokov finds the purse with a metal detector, and—what the crap, two dollars?? Lousy poor immigrants!
Now Hiring
Hall Monitor. Duties include asking to see hall passes, looking like an authority figure and keeping the unpopular commune staff members out of the staff lounge. Good grades a plus.
Top 5 commune Features This Week
1.Bob Denver: The Most Unlikely Scientologist of Them All
2.Gut-Wrenching and Other Techniques They Don't Teach in Med School
3.Uncle Macho's War-Wound Pâté
4.To Have Your Cake and Eat it Too: A Bulimic's Tale
5.Splamb: Enjoy the Authentic Flavor of Spiced Lamb
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