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01/11/26   
Not really trying since 2001

Vase

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November 4, 1999
"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."


Quote of the Day
“Fortune is a fickle bitch. No, wait… I'm thinking of my wife. That's right, my wife's the fickle bitch. Fortune is some transcendentalist concept.”

-Martoon Romeo
Fortune 500 Cookie
Quick, put these shoes on—walk around in them to get comfortable, if you need to. This week, fasten your seatbelt for the ride of your life. Straight over the goddamn cliff and everything. Sure, when you say a dog talks to you, everybody believes you, but make it a rhesus monkey and all of a sudden you're "crazy." Now here's Trip with the sports.


Try again later.
Top Oprah Book Club Rejections
1.The Venomous Black Bitch by Phil Donahue
2.Fried Pork Cracklin's in Butter by Flanny Fragg
3.The Happy and Compliant Slave by Newt Whiteny
4.How Stella Left Her Groove Under the Seat on the Plane Ride Back by Terry McMillan
5.Fight Club by Jerry Springer
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