Vase

November 4, 1999

"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."

Milestones

1993: Ivan Nacutchacokov/Ivana Folger-Balzac honeymoon ends in stalemate.

Now Hiring

Patsy. Must be willing to take the fall for numerous state and federal offenses. Should bear a passing resemblance to Red Bagel, Omar Bricks or Rok Finger. Immunity to electrocution a plus.

Top Nicknames for Each Toe

1.	Lil Pete
2.	Sweat Hog
3.	Midlor, the Middle Toe
4.	Die Schweine!
5.	Mr. Overrated
6.	King Shit
7.	Toe Ain't So Big
8.	Jam Salad
9.	Steve McQueen in The Great Escape
10.	Phantom Itch