Vase

November 4, 1999

"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."

Quote of the Day

“I am the very model of a modern major general. Perhaps this explains my inability to move my limbs and the pungent smell of airplane glue.”

-Gilgamesh Sullivan

Fortune 500 Cookie

You will get kicked in the balls for a good cause this week. Expect a telephone call from a long forgotten friend todayâ€”your split personality from Belgium. Lose the mustache, that "Hitler" look is so 1997. This week's stomach-pump jackpot: $20 in loose change, long-lost stash, grandma's favorite knitting needles, Nerds.

Try again later.

Top Easter Memories

1.	Stuffing all those eggs up the bunny's ass. For the children.
2.	Knee-deep in Peeps.
3.	Kicked out of church for eating wooden Jesus. Thought it was chocolate.
4.	I'll be damned, family really can tell ham from Spam.
5.	Boil the eggs next year. Sweet Jesus, boil the motherloving eggs.