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05/12/26   
3 days since a work-related accident

Vase

bio/email
November 4, 1999
"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."


Quote of the Day
“1.327493 is the loneliest number. Technically.”

-Inglebert Thomas, Professor of Mathematics
Fortune 500 Cookie
You will quit smoking, but only in hospital nurseries. One step at a time, baby. You will finally lose that unwanted 50 pounds, thanks to a fortuitous kidnapping. The bank won't be your only withdrawal this week, drugnuts. You will believe everything you read.


Try again later.
Top Pants-Missing Explanations
1.Busted out Hulk-style
2.Told one lie too many
3.Busted out Louie Anderson-style
4.What, aren't you hot?
5.Talked out of them by gay Casanova
6.Made ass look big
7.Donated to killer mandroid from future
8.Realized parachute pants went out of style in 1986
9.Sat in ham
10.You kidding? Pants are so 2002
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