Vase

November 4, 1999

"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."

Milestones

2002: Office prick and former Acting-Editor Ramrod Hurley successfully turns 30, leading us on an endless week-long binge of bitching, moaning, and strange acts of vandalism we hope not to repeat this year.

Now Hiring

Big Fat Patsy. 'Cause we're not taking the rap for this, see. We must look like a real all-day sucker to you, yeah, a sucker, with a big fat wrapper. Boy, should we have seen it coming! Played like a two-bit piano from day one. Backstabbing dames need not apply.

Top Comics Not in Film Development

1.	Feldspar the Neurotic Ghost
2.	Chest-Exercise Men
3.	Rats with Tats
4.	The Cuddler
5.	Vegan Crime Discouragers