Vase

November 4, 1999

"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."

Milestones

2002: Poet Violet Tiara turns 16 and is a little disappointed by her gift of a Saturn when she had been hoping for a hammock of moonbeams or a tumor full of love.

Now Hiring

Director of Office Security. Traditional ideas of increasing manpower and investigating odd events not necessary. Must be able to design colorful charts and randomly pick levels of security intensity.

Top Scientific Discoveries, Week of 5/21/07

1.	People hoarding "Forever" stamps deficient in inflation-understanding genes
2.	Long middle fingers connected to aggressive tendencies in men
3.	Fish oil aids in weight loss by grossing you all the fuck out
4.	Most effective beauty tip for women: Get men drunk
5.	Gay animals choose homosexual lifestyle