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07/5/26   
We just don't make 'em like we used to

Vase

bio/email
November 4, 1999
"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."


Milestones
1853: The snorkel is invented, leading indirectly to the conception of commune reporter Lil Duncan several years later. STD specialists from the CDC would eventually send a robot back in time in an attempt to prevent this chain of events from occurring, but tragically this move caused the Short Circuit franchise of films in the 1980's instead.
Now Hiring
Midwife Crisis. Not entirely sure what this is, but the guys thought it would be funny. So… Hmm. Uh… well, if you have experience delivering babies in a dramatic and dangerous fashion, then I suppose you should dust off your résumé. No freaks please.
Best Selling Albums
1.Come On
Britney Spears
2.I Keep Returning Like Freddy Krueger
Madonna
3.Passable Generic Metal
Creed
4.Farting to Critical Raves
Radiohead
5.Fossils
Aerosmith
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