Vase

November 4, 1999

"Mom had this vase given to her in Great Aunt Mable's will and she loved it dearly. It sat on a wooden table in front of our picture window. I think it was from Japan. All I remember was the funny blue lines that decorated its pale, white surface. She told all of us kids never to touch that vase. I asked her if I could put things in it and she told me, 'Only on special occasions.'

Turns out finding three dozen night crawlers isn't a special occasion."

Milestones

1987: A practical joke backfires, resulting in Roland McShyster being put in charge of Orion Pictures.

Now Hiring

Neighbor. Must be unpredictably silly and capable of conjuring up outlandish schemes week after week. Applicant will be judged based on appeal to uncreative mass audiences and spin-off potential. Non-white, homosexual a plus.

Top-Selling Music Substitutes

1.	Bass Drone 2002 Mega-Mix DaDawg Productions
2.	Voices from the Shithouse Roy D. Mercer
3.	This is MeÃ– Then J-Lo
4.	Faces of Prank-Call Death Mickey & Marky
5.	Healing Your Inner Loser, Tape 3 Harold Bloomfield