You need a newer browser.

03/6/26   
A yawning abyss... for kids!

Nice Smile

by Violet Tiara
bio/email
March 19, 2007
Teeth made from beef
are a source of great grief
for Leif
and a thief
with the brief name of Queef.

Chewing with meat
is a feat
quite neat,
but a taste far from sweet
when heat
makes meat
excrete.

The Dentist,
an apprentice,
was a Chicagoland menace.
Making each venture
into dentures
an indentured adventure.
Making each meaty teeth-clencher
a thirst quencher
I'm then sure.

A mouth full of pork
would go well
in New York
when torque
from one's fork
would uncork the sound "Bjork!"

But teeth made from sow,
wow
far better than cow.
Much tougher to plow
through your chow
or mention the Tao
or murmur a wedding vow
with the beef teeth
you have now.

Even teeth fashioned
from lamb
or meat from a ram
or flesh from a clam
would hurt less
when you swam
and be less likely to jam
when you scream out "Damn!"
to the king of Siam.

Oh,
pardon me ma'am,
my name is Sam
and gram by gram
teeth made of yam
or molars of ham
would seem less of a scam
when I slam
this sham
"Wham!"
during my final exam.

But I y'am
what I y'am.
Though my breath
smells like Spam.
I y'am
what I y'am.
Though I smile like Vietnam.


Quote of the Day
“Upon being stopped by the Customs Officer during my trip to America, he asked: 'Have you anything to declare?' I burst forward, telling him, 'Only my genius!' I was promptly beaten to a piteous pulp and subjected to a humiliating search. Needless to say, they found my weed.”

-Wildman Oscar Davies
Fortune 500 Cookie
By next week you will not believe what passes for a blowjob these days. Guess how many quarters I have in my left pocket and I will be quite surprised. I said don't cauliflower last week? I did? That doesn't sound like something I'd say. Remember, trust no one. Including me. If you believe that, you're a fool.


Try again later.
Top Pants-Missing Explanations
1.Busted out Hulk-style
2.Told one lie too many
3.Busted out Louie Anderson-style
4.What, aren't you hot?
5.Talked out of them by gay Casanova
6.Made ass look big
7.Donated to killer mandroid from future
8.Realized parachute pants went out of style in 1986
9.Sat in ham
10.You kidding? Pants are so 2002
Archives
Meat in the Ground
Toasters are boasters and otters are modest but the lotto you bought was for the wrong archipelago. Mangy changers are deranged, sez strange Jessica Lange. Druids love fluids but who is the wiser the Kaiser? On rye, sir, that miser misspelt... (4/10/06)

Nanotech Speckles
Nanotech speckles form freckles electronic, bionic and fair On my face and the space around as sound pleasing sound eeks from the sparkles there in my glittery hair Bear hair, cloned re-zoned to my bald scalp like carpeting the Alps like... (12/12/05)

Sentence
Gonads like nomads of the lowlands in snowpants eat Rolaids with barmaids, says no man to snowman and icicles ride bicycles as rice pickles sing Don Rickles and yellow bellows forth from the fourth porch painted by Enid and Crosby and Mick who,... (11/7/05)

more