Nice Smile

by Violet Tiara

March 19, 2007

Teeth made from beef
are a source of great grief
for Leif
and a thief
with the brief name of Queef.

Chewing with meat
is a feat
quite neat,
but a taste far from sweet
when heat
makes meat
excrete.

The Dentist,
an apprentice,
was a Chicagoland menace.
Making each venture
into dentures
an indentured adventure.
Making each meaty teeth-clencher
a thirst quencher
I'm then sure.

A mouth full of pork
would go well
in New York
when torque
from one's fork
would uncork the sound "Bjork!"

But teeth made from sow,
wow
far better than cow.
Much tougher to plow
through your chow
or mention the Tao
or murmur a wedding vow
with the beef teeth
you have now.

Even teeth fashioned
from lamb
or meat from a ram
or flesh from a clam
would hurt less
when you swam
and be less likely to jam
when you scream out "Damn!"
to the king of Siam.

Oh,
pardon me ma'am,
my name is Sam
and gram by gram
teeth made of yam
or molars of ham
would seem less of a scam
when I slam
this sham
"Wham!"
during my final exam.

But I y'am
what I y'am.
Though my breath
smells like Spam.
I y'am
what I y'am.
Though I smile like Vietnam.

Milestones

1983: Night Ranger releases seminal hit Sister Christian, inspiring the unfortunate tone-deaf singalong by Ivan Nacutchacokov that resulted in his lifetime Greyhound bus ban.

Now Hiring

Cowboy Bebop. Not really sure what this is, to be honest, but Red Bagel telegrammed to demand we hire one. Two if they come in a matched set. So there you go.

Top 5 Ways Bush Could Raise Approval Rating

1.	Replace Hugh Jackman in next X-Men sequel
2.	Give out free abortion to pro-choicers on Roe v. Wade anniversary; for pro-lifers, kill convicted criminal
3.	Be seen everywhere with new wheelchair-bound friend
4.	Go on Leno, punch Tom Cruise right in sack
5.	Win war on terrorism, declare war on disagreement next

Meat in the Ground
Toasters are boasters and otters are modest but the lotto you bought was for the wrong archipelago. Mangy changers are deranged, sez strange Jessica Lange. Druids love fluids but who is the wiser the Kaiser? On rye, sir, that miser misspelt... (4/10/06)

Nanotech Speckles
Nanotech speckles form freckles electronic, bionic and fair On my face and the space around as sound pleasing sound eeks from the sparkles there in my glittery hair Bear hair, cloned re-zoned to my bald scalp like carpeting the Alps like... (12/12/05)

Sentence
Gonads like nomads of the lowlands in snowpants eat Rolaids with barmaids, says no man to snowman and icicles ride bicycles as rice pickles sing Don Rickles and yellow bellows forth from the fourth porch painted by Enid and Crosby and Mick who,... (11/7/05)