12/19/25
More fun than an alcoholic stepdad
|  Nice Smileby Violet Tiara   March 19, 2007 Teeth made from beefare a source of great grief for Leif and a thief with the brief name of Queef. Chewing with meat is a feat quite neat, but a taste far from sweet when heat makes meat excrete. The Dentist, an apprentice, was a Chicagoland menace. Making each venture into dentures an indentured adventure. Making each meaty teeth-clencher a thirst quencher I'm then sure. A mouth full of pork would go well in New York when torque from one's fork would uncork the sound "Bjork!" But teeth made from sow, wow far better than cow. Much tougher to plow through your chow or mention the Tao or murmur a wedding vow with the beef teeth you have now. Even teeth fashioned from lamb or meat from a ram or flesh from a clam would hurt less when you swam and be less likely to jam when you scream out "Damn!" to the king of Siam. Oh, pardon me ma'am, my name is Sam and gram by gram teeth made of yam or molars of ham would seem less of a scam when I slam this sham "Wham!" during my final exam. But I y'am what I y'am. Though my breath smells like Spam. I y'am what I y'am. Though I smile like Vietnam. Quote of the Day“It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that's completely impossible by the laws of physics and laughable to every sane person.”-Mark Twaint Fortune 500 CookieThis is the week you finally snap. All those years spent strengthening your middle finger and thumb are really going to pay off big-time, playa. Try keeping your dehydrated mashed potato flakes and your dandruff collection in different-colored boxes this week, just in case that last date ever comes back. Oh, that autobiography you wrote in l33t? Yeah dude, nobody can read that shit. This week's lucky porn cameos: Jenna Jameson in the pilot of that awesome new Hoarders spin-off, Whoreders, Big Bird in Larry Bird: Big Bird, The Ghost of John Holmes in everything else you watch because you burnt that shit into your plasma, dumbass, and …wait, Ron Jeremy in your wedding video? WTF?Try again later. Top Nonsensical Curses
 Meat in the Ground Toasters are boasters and otters are modest but the lotto you bought was for the wrong archipelago. Mangy changers are deranged, sez strange Jessica Lange. Druids love fluids but who is the wiser the Kaiser? On rye, sir, that miser misspelt... (4/10/06) Nanotech Speckles Nanotech speckles form freckles electronic, bionic and fair On my face and the space around as sound pleasing sound eeks from the sparkles there in my glittery hair Bear hair, cloned re-zoned to my bald scalp like carpeting the Alps like... (12/12/05) Sentence Gonads like nomads of the lowlands in snowpants eat Rolaids with barmaids, says no man to snowman and icicles ride bicycles as rice pickles sing Don Rickles and yellow bellows forth from the fourth porch painted by Enid and Crosby and Mick who,... (11/7/05)            |
