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Nice Smile

by Violet Tiara
bio/email
March 19, 2007
Teeth made from beef
are a source of great grief
for Leif
and a thief
with the brief name of Queef.

Chewing with meat
is a feat
quite neat,
but a taste far from sweet
when heat
makes meat
excrete.

The Dentist,
an apprentice,
was a Chicagoland menace.
Making each venture
into dentures
an indentured adventure.
Making each meaty teeth-clencher
a thirst quencher
I'm then sure.

A mouth full of pork
would go well
in New York
when torque
from one's fork
would uncork the sound "Bjork!"

But teeth made from sow,
wow
far better than cow.
Much tougher to plow
through your chow
or mention the Tao
or murmur a wedding vow
with the beef teeth
you have now.

Even teeth fashioned
from lamb
or meat from a ram
or flesh from a clam
would hurt less
when you swam
and be less likely to jam
when you scream out "Damn!"
to the king of Siam.

Oh,
pardon me ma'am,
my name is Sam
and gram by gram
teeth made of yam
or molars of ham
would seem less of a scam
when I slam
this sham
"Wham!"
during my final exam.

But I y'am
what I y'am.
Though my breath
smells like Spam.
I y'am
what I y'am.
Though I smile like Vietnam.


Quote of the Day
“Get out of my way, you're crapping up my genius, dumbnuts.”

-Ayn Randy
Fortune 500 Cookie
All of those great things we said were going to happen to you last week? Yeah, sorry, we had you mixed up with your brother. You're fucked. Try parking your car at the far end of the lot and walking this week: everyone finds the way you jiggle when you walk highly amusing. Your friends and the packaging aren't lying: that's not toothpaste. Did you really think you were going to get away with naming your son Pringles? This week's lucky ass creams: Vaseline Intensive Hair, Ditch the Itch Ultra, Smooth Movers Hibiscus Scent, Baby's Ass in a Bottle, Johnson & Johnson No More Flaming Mass of Ground Hamburger Hemorrhoid Salve.

Try again later.
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