You need a newer browser.

07/6/26   
A happiness enema

Nice Smile

by Violet Tiara
bio/email
March 19, 2007
Teeth made from beef
are a source of great grief
for Leif
and a thief
with the brief name of Queef.

Chewing with meat
is a feat
quite neat,
but a taste far from sweet
when heat
makes meat
excrete.

The Dentist,
an apprentice,
was a Chicagoland menace.
Making each venture
into dentures
an indentured adventure.
Making each meaty teeth-clencher
a thirst quencher
I'm then sure.

A mouth full of pork
would go well
in New York
when torque
from one's fork
would uncork the sound "Bjork!"

But teeth made from sow,
wow
far better than cow.
Much tougher to plow
through your chow
or mention the Tao
or murmur a wedding vow
with the beef teeth
you have now.

Even teeth fashioned
from lamb
or meat from a ram
or flesh from a clam
would hurt less
when you swam
and be less likely to jam
when you scream out "Damn!"
to the king of Siam.

Oh,
pardon me ma'am,
my name is Sam
and gram by gram
teeth made of yam
or molars of ham
would seem less of a scam
when I slam
this sham
"Wham!"
during my final exam.

But I y'am
what I y'am.
Though my breath
smells like Spam.
I y'am
what I y'am.
Though I smile like Vietnam.


Milestones
2004: President Bush, in a farewell address to the nation, apologizes for corruption in his administration and senseless slaughter of American lives, as well as the mangling of the language (courtesy of Future Bob).
Now Hiring
New Now Hiring Guy. What can we say? Richie quit. Stupid, if you ask us. It was a sweet gig. Most of time he never even got any applications or resumes to review. He just made up half these jobs, but don't tell anyone we said so. You just can't make some people happy.
Top 5 commune Features This Week
1.Chubby Checker: American Icon
2.Uncle Macho's Holiday Chitlins
3.20 Questions: The Staff of Fangoria Magazine
4.Scared Straight: The Anne Heche Story
5.Critics' Corner: Films for Homies
Archives
Meat in the Ground
Toasters are boasters and otters are modest but the lotto you bought was for the wrong archipelago. Mangy changers are deranged, sez strange Jessica Lange. Druids love fluids but who is the wiser the Kaiser? On rye, sir, that miser misspelt... (4/10/06)

Nanotech Speckles
Nanotech speckles form freckles electronic, bionic and fair On my face and the space around as sound pleasing sound eeks from the sparkles there in my glittery hair Bear hair, cloned re-zoned to my bald scalp like carpeting the Alps like... (12/12/05)

Sentence
Gonads like nomads of the lowlands in snowpants eat Rolaids with barmaids, says no man to snowman and icicles ride bicycles as rice pickles sing Don Rickles and yellow bellows forth from the fourth porch painted by Enid and Crosby and Mick who,... (11/7/05)

more