Meat in the Ground

by Violet Tiara

April 10, 2006

Toasters are boasters
and otters are modest
but the lotto
you bought
was for the wrong
archipelago.

Mangy changers
are deranged,
sez strange
Jessica Lange.

Druids love fluids
but who is
the wiser
the Kaiser?
On rye, sir,
that miser
misspelt Pfizer.

Fuck 'em.

Loosely
my tooth sings
of ribald
rococo.
Yoko
went loco
and toked all
my Midal
in a long bong
from Hong Kong
with tongs
from Longs
and songs
about John's
stained brainbeans
and Charlie Sheen's
love of Ween.

Cancer
is fancier
if called
carcinoma
Oklahoma
has roma
tomatoes
in pails
and bails
without fail
their sails
white sheets
in seas of wheat
and meat
in the ground
where peat
should be found
and backsweat
from the accident
rolled up in
rolling papers
that taper
to a point
of tip.

Quote of the Day

“Freedom is a fragile thing, and must be protected; however, it is nowhere near as fragile as my aunt's vase, so it seems a fair exchange to lock you in your room for two weeks, you little hooligan.”

-Mom

Fortune 500 Cookie

More fruit, dammit!â€”more fruit, I say! Time to give up the blackmail scheme; there's no getting blood from a stone. Flush once for yes, twice for no. You'll bury all your old grudges this week, and grandpaâ€”sorry, I suppose we could have let you know in a nicer way. Bad dog goes horrible dog this weekend.

Try again later.

Top Pants-Missing Explanations

1.	Busted out Hulk-style
2.	Told one lie too many
3.	Busted out Louie Anderson-style
4.	What, aren't you hot?
5.	Talked out of them by gay Casanova
6.	Made ass look big
7.	Donated to killer mandroid from future
8.	Realized parachute pants went out of style in 1986
9.	Sat in ham
10.	You kidding? Pants are so 2002

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Sentence
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The Sissy
If you call me a prick do I not cry? Bully, thine mouth offends me fuck it Was it not me who kept secret your smoking your out of class without a pass you hi-jinks and ne'er-do-wells? I reach out my hand and you turn it back to smack my own cheeks... (9/26/05)